What was it like to be confused of what you're feeling?

What was it like to not knowing yourself?

I believe a lot of people will relate to this question. I was so blinded on my own perspective of having a difficulties, thinking the environment was not great. But actually if you're pulling yourself further a bit just one inch, you can expanded your view a bit more.

Not only you can see the context uncropped, but you also realize you yourself can capture more than you realize.

You can see yourself smaller or you can see yourself bigger. In my case, for now, I see myself actually smaller. I look into myself what makes me feel that way. Am I being sad? Am I being angry? Am I being disappointed? not so sure. Part of me blaming other people of being annoying and slow at keeping up my pace, part of other me knowing I also have taken a part of making myself small.

I realize I was being so caught up in my own head, busy blaming myself as the main reason I'm having my own hardship, while looking out at other people they're doing fine. It's just me. So, I seek help to understand myself more, to know what I really felt, because at that time, I literally don't have time and capacity to just sit and feel.

I was told I was stress, overwhelmed, on the verge of having anxiety. 

That part I can understand and I'm familiar with. But one person told me, I'm being too perfectionist. I push myself to be perfect, and I expect everyone to be perfect. But noone nobody nothing in this world is perfect, so I was just hurting myself doing something impossible. 

I need to learn to let things loose a little bit. But how can I do it when half of my daily life always want to achieve that perfection?

I always know I'm an organized person, but never in my head I'm labeling myself as perfectionist. 

..........

I lost my train of thought

........

I'll continue another day