Oh! Them...

so i worked on my new project, it's making a documentary of my classmates. it's kinda the simple one, i'm lack of material and tool. i just like them a lot after all we've been through, and realizing that we're gonna graduate soon makes me having a bad feeling. there were a lot of things going on in our three senior years, the bad, the good, sad, happy, surprising, hate, love etc.
i've got so many adventures with them physically and psychologically. they taught me everything, how to be a good leader, how to be a good person, how to treat people nicely, how people have so many characters, how the bitches life are, how gaps can divide people's social life, how to gain love, how honesty is the most important thing in the world, how to be strong, how friendship can be broken, how to change thing, how a change causes another changes and so much more :)
so here's my ugly work :p

and all i wanna say is just....
thank you... thank you so much :)

It's Kinda Funny

Hi stalkers!!

that thing when you feel bored, then you text some friends. and you feel the way they reply it isn't as sincere as usual. you just wanna share what you feel, you just wanna know their condition because you barely meet them, you just don't wanna feel alone, and you just wanna kill the boredom. all you get is the feeling that you are an annoying person. sometimes they reply your message in a long time after you send it out, the worst is they don't reply you back. maybe it's kinda not really big deal for some people, but when you used to do that and suddenly everything comes out twisted, it doesn't run as it always. what do you feel?

this big question always comes up, 'am i disturbing?'. it gives your day a lil bit obstacle to be happy. even you hurl your bad mood to another friends. you begin to not listen back to what they say. but you're not supposed to do that to those people. the effects will spread to your surroundings. all you gotta do is 'sigh'.

hahaha it's kinda funny... knowing the people who used to be always around you turn their head away, and you start to feel unwanted. and all the conversation you did feels disconnected all of sudden. it's also funny the way you feel wanted before, and starting to ask yourself who the hell want you. my suggestion is just take a break, pause everything for a while, keep distant, have some other fun, don't get mad to other people, and keep smiling. you know the best remedies are... music, sing whatever however you want, it helps A LOT.

i don't know if it helps or not, because mine isn't. i don't know what's wrong, maybe it's just my trial to learn how to live without them, because we'll live apart starting from the next 2 months.

okay let's forget those stupid things.

NOW, i wanna tell you guys. i grow up with Glee this whole senior years. as in Glee that they'll be graduate next 2 months, and so do i. this is very sad knowing part of them will leave, and so do mine. i cried for the latest episode, this is the first time i'm thinking that gay-love could be so romantic. and all the sad atmosphere is soooooooo touching, BECAUSE it happens in my life. exactly the same!! nuff said.

It's Their Life

i know this is not my right to tell people how they dress up, either i'm not a religious people. but when i see people unveiled themselves i feel like... oh my God what you are up to?. in my religion, Islam, it's a kind of a must to cover a part of body (aurat). for women, they have to cover their head using a kind of veil and cover their body with long-sleeve dress (or something that doesn't show their curve of body). some of my friends use veil also, but unfortunately there are some individuals who don't really respect the using of veils itself. they use it in school as a normal pretty nice girl, but they take it off when they hang out with their friends, put some photos on social network without covering their head. i don't blame them, because it's their right to do what they wanna do. but then i feel bad, because they're my friends too, even though we're not really close. isn't that what friends are for? friends are there to remind us which is wrong and which is right. they have their best friends too, what do their best friends do when they see them like that?. it's been my inner war for this whole time, i am no body to remind them, but i -at least- know them, and that feels wrong if i'm just shut up and let anybody do something bad. it's like you're a friend of thief.

so, all this long i force myself to just shut up, i choose to be a friend of thief, even though i know it's wrong. i know i'm not a good person yet. my close friends told me:

"it's their life, we have our own. let them do whatever they want, its their sins if they keep doing it, but we are nobody to them, so why we even think about their life. they don't think about us though. it's useless"

but still i feel like i wanna tell them, and then it's ended up i'm pulling myself not to let the war happens and going offline. i'm not giving up on them, i just don't want to care about them anymore. i'm sorry if i offend anybody, this is what i feel. i write it here because i feel i'm being annoying for some of my friends lately if i  tell this story again again and again.

i know this post is kinda sarcastic because i'm telling about my religion rule. but the headline here is to turn the wrong in to the right, you know everybody - if they're in my position, have the same mind set as mine - they'll definitely do the same.

Road to Boyolali (Part 4)

once again Boyolali is my neighbor town where my friend, Andit, live. this is my fourth time going there. we have so much fun on the way. Ade rode motorcycle with me (i was in the back), we talked SO MUCH, and laughed so much. for that day sched we decided to go to Selo, it's a kind of highland in Boyolali. the place is awesome with cold-chilly breeze. we have sooo much fun, as what i've said 'there's nothing to regret' :)

You May, but ...

this is dedicated to a friend of mine, my tiny friend "chin up, pretty!!"

i know when you like someone, it's hard like hell to move on. one day you say to yourself, 'this is nut, why i have to fall to this guy. from now on i won't think about him again, ever!'. but, then the next day you accidentally listen a whiny sad love song which reminds you to the story of you. and then you keep repeat that bullshit beneath your heart, you fight your feeling away without even realizing what's the root of your problem. you don't let it all go, you haven't wanted them to be disappeared, even you keep them soundly deep in your heart. that's a major problem of what we called 'ikhlas' or sincere.

and sometimes you over use the social media. nowadays, you can share everything you want on internet. that's it! sometimes you really really need to keep everything to yourself or your best friend, don't let anyone know your feeling. the more people you let them know about your life, the more you getting fragile, oh no, it should be the more you THINK you're fragile, because you want all the attention of people, you make yourself fragile with letting anybody knows your problem. i don't prohibit you to share, it's good to share, it's good to have everybody's attention, it's good to express yourself, but people have rules which is you have to know the limitation of sharing your feeling in this unreal world. please try the real one, tell your buddies what's your feeling because they might have the solution or your mother, you know the phrase 'mother knows best' it does indeed.

another alternative is you can share it by writing it on your blog, beside you can develop your skill of writing it also is more private media to share than twitter or facebook, or you can just write to yourself and not publish it. by writing, you can feel relieved, there's a self-pride when you see so many letters line up in your monitor and those are the crops of your own mind.

and when you're alone, try to avoid listening silly-sad-love song which usually drag you in the situation in that situation. or the big one is always try to keep yourself as busy as you can be, keep yourself in a crowd. also, ask your friend to always remind you, to always say 'it's not worth to be sad'. make a sharp note on your notebook, mobile phone, wall in your bedroom, that'll always remind you to be strong, or you can make a tattoo if your parents permit it.

and this is what i always say to my friends 'smile, please!', because smile is the cheapest easiest remedies for all people. i always suggest them to look at the mirror, say whatever you wanna say to yourself, and wrap it up nicely with smile. it sounds lame, but sometimes it really works on me, so you should try.
you're allowed to be sad, but its percentage have to be less than the time you smile and laugh. be happy!! cheer up!!

Good Bye and Good Luck

The time has come to say goodbye
My turn to leave, how time does fly!
Seeing many things here over the years
Hopes, dreams, laughter and tears

For many friends the end is now here
Although the memories will be so dear
Life out of Newpin is about to begin for me
Taking the lessons we learnt herein

Although I'm sad to leave right now
They’ll be things that will remind me of this day
Those special people who made it all worthwhile
You know who you, you made me smile

As we look back at the past few years
Remembering the times, we have had here
Ones to remember, ones we’ll want to forget
And on the first day here when we frist met.

You will see how much you can learn from here.
But as you enter on into your future here i hope
you too find what your looking for whatever it may be.
Goodbye friends and to everyone good luck! 

Good Bye and Good Luck by Ruth Warren

maybe you wonder, why I'm such a lil girl talking the whole shit about love. let's face it i'm surrounded with people who suffer for puppy love, and again i live in Tumblr, means i learned from quotes. and let me say movies affect me the best ;)

Ridiculously True

for girls, falling for a boy is a gambling....

since girls are such sensitive and emotional creature, they take a heart of all kind of kindnesses. you know, when one day a boy talk to you, you feel like 'oh he's a nice person', the more they talk to you the more you feel like he's your friend already. moreover, if they have the mutual thing with you, for example he likes painting and so do you, then you two talk the same topic first, each gives one information to another, then the talk begins to be wider, not just a hobby-talk. he starts talking about his life and asking about your life, trust me, in this stage you will be flown high above the sky, because all you feel is he's already the close person of you, while you have no clue about what's on his mind. i don't know either what mostly boy feels, i just know they comfortable with it, they know you are their close person too, but i think they feel it's just what it is. meaning: he feels that you are his friend (dot)

day by day second by second, your curiosity kills. curiosity even sometimes feels stronger than the feeling that you fall for him. you wanna know what he feels so bad, you stalk every single of his social media account, and you try to solve all the puzzle inside your head. you connect every single words he said, you tie it up, but still you just keep it to yourself and the whole curiosity haven't disappeared because you just guessing. when he flirts, you feel like 'yes.. yes i know he feels the same', but wait hold on lady. you need to be careful in making conclusion, wait a sec and look again, if he flirts to another person too, meaning it's just his habit, you know, joking around flirting around. yeah it's not bad, but i feel bad for the one who is flirted.

it turns out your 'just curiosity' makes you like ' aaarrrgghhh c'mon i really wanna know what's on your heart', then one day you decide to drop some hints. you keep text him asking anything talking about anything, when he looks into your eyes you try to look at him back as deep as you can in order to make him know your heart, but one ever told me 'guy is the dumbest in taking a hint, until you write it down on their face, literally'.

see, this is why girls gambling. they love him, but they afraid to admit it but they do it anyway. commonly, girls don't ask boys out, so they just wait. they are lucky enough if the boy feel the same way, but they'll keep living pathetically hiding their heart away if the boy doesn't. ridiculous, but true...

Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You (Animation)

Love? duh!

when i was young, all that matters about 'love' is how to keep our friends still be our friends and how to make a beautiful lady we called 'mom' smiling to us when we got a good mark. eventually, it was about how to act nicely in front of my grandma so i could get a cookie.

years by years passed, till i knew how 'love' in movie could be real. when you waited someone to walk in front of you when you came back home in the long hall and you pretended that it was a coincident. and when you were at school you acted that person was the first enemy of yours, but inside you worshiped him to his feet, this is Helga's typical (on Hey Arnold!, you know?). and the next day your friend said that he got a crush on you hahahahahaha that always made you fly to the edge of the sky, a funny lame puppy love.

the next years, you looked back and you found those were really hilarious, but yet you still had another love life went on. i can guarantee in the age of thirteen most of girls already have their crushes, whether they get them or not it depends, on what? aggressiveness. this is about difference confidence of each person. i learned it from one of my friend; the one who dare, the one who faster, the one who has more confidence, the one who brave, got it first.
but you know what the one who doesn't have those all? they're shy enough to show their feeling, the only way to make him know is from God. it does sounds terrible, but who doesn't do that, duh! even i admit myself did that. so, in the end, this girl end up with making a decision to move on and to not look back, past is the past.

when you get older and older, all the level of society getting higher, all your burden getting heavier, the whole responsibility of your life begins to be all yours, all the cartoon seems nonsense, and so do your love life, it's getting waaay more complicated. the alligator and the cow, in this level, are still existed.
another friend of mine who love one girl crazily, he does whatever it takes to be with this girl. he protects her with his whole heart. he feels super happy when he laughs with her. they're friend, the girl thinks they are always just a friend, but the boy expects more. this is the hardest part of his life. he confesses to this girl that he likes her, he already and always knows that the girl doesn't like him back, but he confesses anyway. i like his spirit though, he admits anything even though he already knows the girl's answer, he's gentle enough. i bet the girl doesn't really worth to be his girlfriend, she's really mean. again, what makes him a strong boy is he always... always meets this girl, because they're in the same goddamn class, what do you think? it's a hell.
other of the other, it's a girl, who used to date - let's call him - James. they were in love, mutual feelings. but then they broke up, but still be friends, though both still have some mutual feelings left. one day, James suddenly disappeared, he said to her that he went abroad. since that day, they both lost contact. the girl didn't try to call James, nor James. so, in the way of her moving on life, she found another lovely heart which wrapped in a such of beautiful smile - let's call him, again - Thomas. she kinda liked him, and he liked her with his whole heart too. but yet they didn't tie their relationship up, they just did what it is. and then several weeks, she heard again about James, she's so surprised that all this time, when James asked goodbye to go abroad was all lies. the truth was James hospitalized because of some kidney problem. she's so stucked. she felt like she's been betraying him with having a good relationship with Thomas. this situation made her to choose, between staying with Thomas or going back to James. in the end, she ended up with choosing none. so no one won or lost. but not fair enough for the three of them, all of them hurt.

i'm sorry for bubbling with so many love stories, but people around me taught me the most about this, i can not just leave it because so many people in the world dealing with stuff like this, who knows it might help just a little. should i go on? yes?
this boy and this girl had a good relationship too, both always text each other, every single second. even they had their own nickname. even though they're apart by distance they still always keep in touch. haven't found the problem? right! here's the big problem, is that the boy already had girlfriend, and that girl who always text him already knew about that. their relationship was so confusing. of course the girl wanted a certainty, of course the girl wanted to be his real girlfriend, of course the girl expected more. but unfortunately the boy didn't want to lose his girlfriend either, so the condition is like the boy set the girl's hope too high. what i suggest to the boy, 'you should stop, or you'll hurt someone more than you know'. this story still goes on, so i can't tell the end of this story.

if you reach this far and still consider to read more, two big thumbs to you, darls!
from those whole stories, i feel really terribly sorry for this one, i'm sorry i put your story here, my dear Jean. so this is a story from Jean. she's quite stubborn girl who has a lot of friends, she has a beautiful life with perfect family, she has a little paranoia syndrome, she's cheery. i'm gonna sing a song to her 'unlucky, you're in love with your best friend' - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Calliat (with editing) -. she has a really close friend, they do anything together, they share everything, they have similar favorite music, they laugh at each other jokes even though the cheesy one. she loves him like a brother, and so does him. but the love she feels is the feeling of wanting him, she doesn't want him to be owned by anybody but her. she feels jealous when he's with someone else, sometimes she also feels that he doesn't want her to be with anybody else too. but she realizes that the feelings always up and down, so sometimes she wants him, but sometimes she lets him go, because she's not sure whether he likes her back or not. she doesn't have the guts to ask him, because she's afraid of ruining their friendship. she's terrified if she tells him everything, everything wouldn't be the same anymore. this Jean case, she's sometimes being aggressive one but on the other hand she's sometimes being the coward. this is like you're in the middle of crocodile and tiger, if you tell, you lose anything, but if you don't you'll just hurt yourself. until now, Jean decides to hide everything and not telling anybody, but me. so, she chooses friendship over love. worth sacrifice.

thank you for reading this far, i don't know what this is, i just feel wanna write this, because i already have the sum up above my head, it's growling up here, itching to explode.
the conclusion is, life's what you make it. you can choose to take the risk, each choice has bad-good effects. all you need to do is stand still to be always the pure you, follow your heart, i know it isn't as easy as just say it, i've been there. if you broke, just try not to hurt yourself, get some help, and always always remember there are lots of people waiting for your hug, there are lots of people still love you no matter what, and once again, remember, there's always a person in this world who will be sad seeing you cry. if you find deadlock in the end of your effort, don't forget God has an unlimited authority :) keep smiling, my dear!