when you're crazily busy and bail on so many appointments
then you go trying not to bail on another one by cancelling the other, you get an uncertainty as the feedback :)
it's so okay

Lola's Back

In a friendly environment like Manhattan, it's the day when Lola walked by, she knocked at Mrs. Angelique she asked to go to her bathroom because her way to home was still a bit far. from Mrs. Angelique window's she saw that boy standing across the street. he seemed confused for a while, then a girl came out with big grin wearing yellow skirt with a beautiful ribbon on her big head. both smiled at each other. Lola was called by Mrs. Angelique. She went out right after she fulfilled her business, she walked down the street. in front of her, that boy and that girl walked cheery, it seemed to realize Lola's presence.

"Oh, hi Lola!", he greeted

"Hi Alex, good day huh?", answered her. shortly.

"Yeah, it's bright enough. Oh, this is my new neighbor, my new friend too, Rose. Rose, this is Lola, my classmate"

"Hi, i'm Lola, please to meet you, welcome to our town", answered her by recklessly shaking Rose's hand

"Nice to meet you too, Lola", Rose answered

"Hey we're going to Bill's, you can come?", asked Alex

"Oh, can't. i've got to get home real quick, see you at school tomorrow, bye"

Lola talked without even looked at their face and turned her body fast. She stared at one point when the street didn't even look like a street anymore. She tucked both her hands to her jeans' pocket, plugged her earphone and pressed the button of her music player. The Scientist by Coldplay playing.

she couldn't pretend to be happy when the place she used to live 7 years ago felt so strange. a friend who used to be her neighbor had already got a new neighbor. a candy shop that used to have a big neon at front, now it became an office of diamond agent. those black classical street lights turned red. those humid asphalt which reflected the spirit of the moon just showed a common grey road, she screamed in silent. she didn't blame anyone for this lonesome, it's just like everything had changed and all what'd been given to her was taken. she used to have that house, she used to have that middle chair in the class, she used to have someone on the phone to talk, she used to have someone to text, she used to have an extra candy, she used to have place to shout the hell out. 

All she felt now, all that she wanted was just to have everything she used to have, sometimes people didn't wanna grow up, but that's not what she wanted. as the soundtrack of Tangled went on, she sang along

"Flower gleam and glow, let the power shine, make the clock reverse

  bring back what once was mine.... what once was mine"

Maroon 5 - Daylight

lemme be frank i wasn't really interested in this music video before because of the thumbnail of the video just seems so common, plus most of Maroon 5's MVs are explicit. but this... this video isn't selling the song, it sells the story behind. it shows how this world isn't as peace as it seems, there are a whole lot of crisis especially for teenagers. hundreds teens bullied, hundreds of them are already being orphans, hundreds other commits suicide, cancer, anorexic, bulimic, uses drugs and such.
most of them are being aside because of their religion, color, their parents' job or their social status. this video shows how people around the world shouting and asking for help, it's their confession to the world and of course they don't want their other friends from another side of the world suffers like them. 

the most touching scene for me is when a girl holds a white paper with 'I'm A Muslim and I'm Proud of It' on it. and yeah so do I, I'm a Moslem and I really really proud to be part of it, with no single doubt.

first thing first on this video is don't judge each other, respect and love each other is waaaay lighter thing to do. no matter what they say, you are who you are, you don't need to be ashamed if your fat, you don't need to feel small if you're black, you don't have to study all the time just because you're Asian, hang out and talk to strangers sometimes, be honest to everyone, smile and laugh everyday, don't anchor yourself in misery, say 'thanks' and 'please' frequently. all that advises are resumed in 'stand up, be bold, and chin up!' ;)

Mother's Day Letter

Dear Mother,

i don't know how to put my feelings in to words. i'm not another kids who easily express their love in front of  their mom, i am your ignorant typical daughter. i forgot how you always asked what i've got from school eleven years ago, i almost forgot how you and i rode motorcycle without raincoat in the middle of heavy rain and you bought me meatball soup just to keep my body warm again. and i remember how i told you my bad dream and you told me it's just my imagination. i hardly remember how you were so upset to me when you found out that i lied to you, and you always didn't take any side when your first and second daughter fought.
i'm sorry i had ever thought that you're not a good mother, that you're not being fair with me, that you didn't love me. i'm deadly sorry for that. i'm sorry sometimes i'm not a nice kid you always want, i'm not a kid who can't please you, not even make you proud. i'm sorry i made you mad, oftenly.
sometimes i miss you like.. so bad. i miss our family at that time. sometimes i imagine if bad things didn't occur to us, if both your daughter could study well in college and came home every weekend, happily. you're  super super super woman, the real one, i've ever known. we're more than lucky enough to have you.
thank you for taking care of me until now, thank you for not giving up, thank you for your godzilla size of patience, thank you for keeping an eye on me, thank you for your short pep talk before school, thank you for staying beside dad, thank you for teaching me how a good kid should be. i love you so much more than i love myself, if i have to die to pay your love back...... i will even though it isn't possible to be equal

with my whole heart,
Your daughter

That was That : Engineer's Environment

Mendengar kata “fakultas teknik”, banyak orang – termasuk saya – membayangkan di dalamnya terdapat orang – orang dengan taraf intelektual yang tinggi, ditambah lagi dengan embel – embel nama universitas yang tak asing lagi didengar masyarakat Indonesia bahkan sampai ke telinga internasional. Memang kenyataan di lapangan anak fakultas teknik sangat aktif baik dalam perkuliahan maupun organisasi. Lingkungan yang restless menuntut mahasiswa untuk terus bekerja dan belajar. Hal itu membuat kesehatan pribadi mereka menempati presentasi terkecil dalam otak mereka, terlebih lagi ada sebagian dari mereka yang beralibi mencari inspirasi atau menenangkan diri dengan rokok. sebenarnya pihak universitas sudah melarang baik staff maupun mahasiswa dari masing - masing fakultas untuk tidak merokok di lingkungan kampus. Namun pemikiran konvensional "peraturan dibuat untuk dilanggar" masih menggelantungi pola pikir mereka. masih banyak perokok - perokok yang dengan santai melenggang tanpa ada yang menegur atau memberi sanksi. hal tersebut membuktikan pihak universitas maupun fakultas menutup mata terhadap peraturan yang telah dibuat.

Bukti nyata dari pelangggaran tersebut dapat dilihat di salah satu jurusan di fakultas teknik. Setiap menginjak jam makan siang, kantin jurusan tersebut bukan lagi menjadi tempat makan melainkan sudah berubah menjadi smoking area. Hal tersebut membuat penghuni yang lain merasa sangat tidak nyaman. 

Masih ada beberapa hal mengagetkan yang saya temukan belakangan ini. Angkatan saya mengadakan malam kesenian beberapa minggu yang lalu. Seluruh urusan acara berjalan lancar, menurut rencana acara kami akan selesai sekitar pukul 11 malam dan perijinan baik dari fakultas maupun keamanan kampus sudah kami kantongi termasuk ijin portal gerbang kampus. Namun sayangnya karena durasi molor acara selesai pukul setengah 12 dan penjaga portal sudah menutup portal gerbang kampus.

lalu apa yang terjadi dengan tamu dan panitia yang masih berada di lokasi?

to be continued

Thank God, It was Friday

it's two days ago when i woke up in a such shiny face, took a bath at dawn, got dressed and prepared anything before the sun even blinked. guess what? i was going to the beach beach beach!!! it's been a while for me since a year ago before the war to get in to college begin. the six of us went a little bit late but everything went well in the way. all of us didn't even know how to get there, we just brought a map, luckily some polices didn't mind giving us the direction when we asked. it's about 8.30 am when we arrived at Sundak Beach. it was so marvelously fun. it was our first holiday together, they're my group in architectural design studio, even though we just met less than half year, we're just that close.

on the way back to the city, we're lost. not completely lost, but yeah just lost. we asked people many times to make sure we're in the right direction. still, even though we're on the right track, it took longer time than when we departed before. it was a really hot day, everybody's burnt. finally, we stepped our feet in the city, we grabbed an almost-evening lunch quickly. then we went back to our own home.

the journey didn't just end that way, my journey was still going on. i waited my friends to come, but then they bailed me on, because the weather was so bad. so i decided to go home to my hometown around 5 pm. it was dark rainy with slippery street. i reached the borderline city safely, there was an exhale when i was finally in my town. but then, i got an accident. i didn't know where it came from but suddenly a black car was right beside me, not even a single milimeter distance. i got a help from a gas station security.

"are you okay?", asked him

"yes", answered me while i looked in to my feet to make sure everything's okay. and then i saw blood.

first thought was 'oh my God, i'm bleeding', second thought 'it's okay, i'm still able to walk', third thought 'shit, i have to get my thumb sewed'. then the security took me to the nearest hospital. the lady who drove the car also following us. she's responsible enough, she paid for the hospital bills. then one of the hospital staff asked me to inform my family, he took my phone and called home.

as what i'd predicted, everybody's in tears. the whole family was in panicked attack. i knew for sure they had a big trauma with 'accident', since my sister hadn't even healed yet until now.

when i reached home, my grandpa had already waited in the living room, everybody stood up like it was something that they expected coming. 

"i'm okay", i said

then i was rained by my grandma's kisses around my cheek and forehead. i saw my mom's eyes, she just cried, i felt everybody's exhalation in front of my face. what a relief hahaha.

these two days are total holiday, but i can't go anywhere because of my sewed thumb. so i'm just at home lying on a bed, doing the damn sketches assignments.

so, in the end i want you, everybody, to respect your own safety and your family's. with your knowing or not, if you're hurt, trust me, everybody's hurt also. they love you more than yourself. :)

sometimes we need to get away from anything, just be away, to gain a thing what we called being calm. but for some people to be calm isn't always quite, isn't always to be alone. for me, being calm is when you know you have someone to get your back, people who cheer you up when you don't even know what to do when you're down. as simple as replying your friend's text may be one of the way. you know he/she's on a crisis, giving solution or just listening is way more than enough for him/her.
especially for unstable freshmen like me and my friends, we just entered our completely new life, our future life depends on what we do now, but the main obstacle here is 'being far from home'. most of them who haven't got the experience being far from home before (including me) feel homesick. it may affect their life cycle a lot. to be there for your friend in this phase is really important, because they have no one to lean.
the first year's curriculum also always the hardest because there's gonna be a lesson we haven't ever learned before.
to manage, to be responsible, to take care of our own life... believe me it's hard like hell. the ups and the downs can't be omitted in our life. the thing we need to hold is don't ever ever ever give up what you've got now, i know you know we know what we take is what we want, and we always know we can get through this, don't we? huh?

"to expect something pretty the day before
then drown in a misery the next day because what you get isn't what you want"

that sentence haunts me, like the whole day of this week, wanna know why, because some reasons i don't wanna talk about

YAY!

WHOOAAAA GOD! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!

since my last entry, i am now being a college student. i've been sooooooo busy since the very beginning of my student's orientation. i got a whole lot of new wonderful friends in my group of orientation, we've been very close because the condition that forced us to worked together with a bunch of assignment. unfortunately we're barely able to meet each other because of the difference of study that we take. i have to join 3 student's orientation (God >___<) for the university, faculty and department, i'd done two and one more to go. 

it's been such a wonderful experience to be away from home, sometimes i get so lonely but the other side i feel happy because i'm able to stand by myself and keep myself safe. i like my boarding house, yeah it's so quite, but mostly it's comfortable. i have a little problem in doing housework because of lack of time. 

after all, i like being in architectural engineering, even though it seems hard and some people may not like it, but so far i'm enjoying myself to move step by step. to be frank, i'm not a good sketcher, but here we are commanded to be a good one. my very loyal friends are pencils, eraser and sketchbook.

i also apply for one of biggest organization in the faculty, but i don't know whether i'll get it in or not, doesn't matter though, it's a gratefulness if yes but if not then i still have another path.

the hardest part is the time management, honestly i feel okay with every single activities i take, but sometimes the people who make it runs slower make my mood turns down. it'll make everything insufficient. time needs to be respected, it needs to be used properly and we have to maximalized the result of the use of it. sometimes i want people to speed up, but then i'm afraid they think i'm too tough or something. but then again, to change people is hard as hell so we better change ourselves first. BE THE SOLUTION ;)
here are some pictures through my journeys this month
ps: look at the score in the corner of drawing paper, it's C domination hahahahaha

Dandy's Letter (Chapt 1)

Semomuille,

i swear... it's not that i'm ungrateful, i can literally make a tent anywhere anytime, i can survive it all

but the problem isn't me. the problem is about the Mrs. Board, i have made a promise with her, like so many times i've bailed. i can not bail on this one, this is kinda last chance i break my promise, because this is the edge of my situation. it's like everything is so sure there, but unfortunately you make it so unstable here.

i've told you along ago to do it, but you didn't gimme much response nor effort to help me doing it. yet at that so along ago Depopriquille still got a whole lot to do, yet another hysterical creature always wants to be on your behalf. so what could i do?

when this time you bring it up to change it, i can't stand it but to dried my tears of disappointment again. i think you see it, i think you know i'm having a hard time, so you agree to get back on track. i know i'm not good at anything, yet i'm just ignorant. i'm sorry, if i've been a real burden.

i know you want to tag me along, i know for sure, but you just can't because something holds you here. i know you ask that person not because if that person wants to, but because if that person lets you. it's been really hard for us. please, be easy on each others. thank you

truly yours,

Dandy

The Swing Lady

a simple mind with a short thought from eight year old boy who stomps his feet on the ground madly

hard enough to tear those dried maple leaves into pieces

he walks across pedestrians path, doesn't even care about the traffic

doesn't even give a damn about the grey clouds gather above

keeps walking to his best runaway place

the place that he's known almost his whole life

he has been even there when he was two, said his mother

there's no particular fence to limit that place, just a line of iron pipe as its divider with the pedestrians way

not even a welcoming gate

he's here yet anyway, bringing red face, messy hair, and whole lot of... what is that?

the complexion of anxiety, disappointment, resentment, anger and ambition

he sits on the edge of the sand box which exactly is the center of the place

he stands in sudden, put a fist on his hands, start kicking the sand randomly

as he moves out from the sand box, the dust swaying restlessly

he's on the ladder, pushing himself up, imagining like he's on the way to the top of Everest

he hangs on the monkey bar strongly as if there's lava beneath him

as he stops on the safe land of happily ever after, he can't just stop

because he believes there's no such thing, there's not

he's seated, ready to crawl in to a dark tunnel in front

he blows the fear away, face the fact that he can't be down unless he passes the tunnel

he takes his first step, close his eyes for a while, then crawl as fast as he can

"WOAH", he gasps. that's the first word i heard from him since he's here awhile ago

i believe he saw the lights to finish the tunnel

he stands still in front of the exit mouth of the tunnel, he crosses both hands on his chest

he takes a deep breath as if he just be freed from a jail

as he reaches the top of the slide, he begins to sit, straightens his legs. he slides

he closes his both eyes, feels the breeze, enjoys the way wind messes with his hair

and he sticks the land

he doesn't seem satisfied already, he looks for another journey

he can't play see-saw, it needs two people to balance it

he shrugs

he runs to the only merry-go-round, put his hands on one of the handle

and run faster than the come-running 

after the third spin, he jumps up to the yellow side of the merry-go-round

once again, he enjoys the breeze, spreads his arms wide as his tummy holds him from falling forward

want it or not, the merry-go-round must've stopped gradually

without him realizing, the grey clouds have passed, and now as he looks up the sky

the gorgeous stand out sunset rules the town, forces those skyscrapers to bow down

he's out from the merry, walking towards the iron pipe fence, jumps over it

and takes an easy light step with a smile piercing on his face

do you know? he has taken all the ride of this place, except this one

the one i've always be riding, the swing

he knew the swing had something, he knew i'd been watching him, he knew i was there even though... even though...

even though no one sees me

Restoration

hai!

my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, because i don't like the phrase 'best friends'. I am so glad to have you all. i don't know how you all end up stepping into my life, even though at first we're not a total stranger but who knows the fate brings you right in front of my way. i know some of you might not always be my savior, not always be there when i needed, not always care for my business, not always know what the hell i went through, not always come in the right situation, not always nice even sometimes have a little chicken fight for a while. but that's not it, yes you do ever heard the words 'nobody's perfect', go that way and you'll find everything makes sense.

i don't know how to arrange words by words to show you how i'm really grateful and thanked just to have ever known you. i swear i'm not the person who can always be nice all the time, but you accept me anyway. you know i'm a total pigheaded person, and often argue for a little thing, but you (esp. Arden & Ade) never take it too hard, and it will be ended, like, 5 minutes then. 

there were always some serious conversations when we caught in a bad thing, and when it goes to YM (hahahahahaha) i definitely still have the archive of the whole conversation.other than that, some silly conversation also comes up from texts, sometimes it's just 

"have you slept?"

"haven't yet. why?"

"nope, just looking for company"

sometimes it's just

"global TV, NOW"

then i'm just like "what's it?" because i don't really like watching TV

and then they will "It's Taylor" or "It's Sean" or "It's a movie, there's a guy from Wild Child"

i will miss that thing while i won't have any TV in my future boarding house. 

that was the time when the school bell rang and some of us just stay in our class, literally not doing nothing but we just assumed we're doing nothing because we didn't have productive doings. we'd just sing randomly, play card and such.

i cannot just tell specifically and point out your name because i can't really remember details and there's moment when some people aren't included. i cherish all the things we've been through, cause yeah it has been  a lot going on, by that i do really mean A LOT.

as what i've said i know i'm not a good person, i'm a jerk. so it's okay if you scold me at some times, it's okay for you to tell me that i'm a fucking annoying person, it's okay if you tell people my bad side, it's okay to talk bad about me behind. but please come to your sense then, just do that for a second and back being my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, okay i'm so demanding. or you can just continue doing that, then i'll continue pretending you're not doing that :)

beside the gratitude, i do need to apologize A LOT to you. i'm so immature that i can't control myself not to hate people, sorry. i'm so bossy that i yell to people instead of talking nicely to gain a help. i'm so over confidence that sometimes i think i can handle anything by myself when the fact is i cannot. i'm so ignorant that sometimes i don't care what you are up to. even sometimes i don't let you finish your words first. i'm thinking too much and over reacting, that may lead me to 'Ms. wow-so-important'. i deeply sorry for every hearts that are hurt, every single waste feeling just to please me but i can't give it back, every words that haven't finished, every awkward situation i make, every sudden shouting that i randomly make. i'm so so so sorry.

thank you for spending more than 1.000.000 seconds with me. thank you for making me not-whiny girl anymore. thank you for teaching me anything. thank you for appearing your face in front of me. thank you for asking my sister's condition. thank you for encouraging me. thank you for trusting me. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for all the hugs.

i will always wish to always see you, it's not impossible but it will be hard to make it, so instead of 'always' it's better to use 'occasionally'. be healthy, be happy :) 20 years from now on, we'll meet again as a 'real person', won't we?

at last, Happy Ied Al-Mubarak, minal aidin wal faizin, mohon maaf lahir batin. i know my sins can't be exactly reduce to zero, but at least it's reduced.

with the whole honesty and sincerity,

Fakhriyyah

Taylor Swift - We are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Lyric Video)

My Runaway

My Runaway by fakhriyyah featuring schutz shoes

Cool Change oversized top
boutique1.com

Rebel Yell scoop neck shirt
shopthetrendboutique.com

Quiksilver zip up hoodie
quiksilver.com

Marc by Marc Jacobs mid rise skinny jeans
$235 - coggles.com

Filippa K socks
$14 - nelly.com

Maxi skirt
newlook.com

Schutz shoes
endless.com

Havaianas waterproof shoes
bloomingdales.com

Studded bag
circleandsquaresf.com

Isotoner glove
$16 - debenhams.com

Madewell MADEWELL Delfonics® For Top Hat Pens
madewell.com

Recycled Paper Note - Double Ring A5 - Plain 80
muji.us

Beach Photography - summer peach beach photograph ocean nautical photo...
etsy.com

Hot Air Balloon Photograph, Toy, Summer, Red, Rust, Fine Art...
etsy.com

Pink Ferris Wheel Photo Art Print Carnival Summer Whimsical Clouds...
etsy.com

Travel Print-Hollywood California- Spring Break Travel Retro Hollywood...
etsy.com

Yellow Suitcase
$235 - caramel-shop.co.uk

4" X 6" Memories Embroidered 100 Pocket Patch Faux Suede Photo Album,...
amazon.com

hot chocolate and mint: Quote of The Day

hot chocolate and mint: Quote of The Day: "Learn to compliment others when deserved. Not only it makes other people happy, it shows that we are happy for other people's happiness."...

The Creative Adult is ...

am i? are you?

What I Possibly Be

What I Possibly Be by fakhriyyah featuring black watches

Dorothy Perkins stripe shirt
dorothyperkins.com

Hollister Co. denim skinny jeans
hollisterco.com

Victoria's Secret victoria s secret shoes
victoriassecret.com

River Island black watch
$23 - riverisland.com

Parker Blue scarve
barneys.com

Book : 13 Reasons Why

i just finished this book 2 days ago. it's a drama-mystery novel. at first, i was confused, because the talk of Hannah Baker and Clay Jensen had no different text in the e-book, so it's confusing which one is Hannah's which one is Clay's. but i figured it out after reading a quarter of it. i think you can see the synopsis anywhere but here, i have read it, but since everybody had it reviewed so.. yeah. i think this book is great. right after i looked for the picture above, i saw Selena Gomez's face on google result, then i just knew that this book will be filmed in 2013 with Selena as Hannah, the suicidal teenage girl.

Gorgeous Classy Audrey Hepburn

9 of 28

i'm not really good at biology, but when people are asked to choose something even though it's just silly thing to choose, they definitely use part of their brain to think about it, duh!. once again, i use my friends to try this thing. i ask them to choose 9 people from our class which has 28 people on it. frankly, this question comes out because hahahaha actually i just draw a doodle of my closest friends, but then i stop when i reach 8, i wanna continue it but the dubious of the 9th strongly attacks. so since i can't choose nine, so i ask my friends then to know whether they can choose it easily or just like me. other than that, i'm bored, so this survey will let my brain works a lil bit, an because of my overthinking habit, surely this survey will get me think a lot.

so at first, they're very suspicious when  i ask it, they ask what that's question for and whether the answer will be publish or not. of course not, it's just me though. some maybe think i'm out of my mind to ask that unpredictable question. one that directly answer the question just realize their suspicion in the end of their answer. some also ask me back whether it has kind of specific category or not, then my answer is no it has no specific category, just imagine if all of your friends are gonna be dead and you have the opportunity to save the nine of them who you will save. all of that because they're not prepared to deal with that type of question.

most of the eight that i choose get me on their choices, but not all of the choices that i make exactly the same with theirs. their and my point of view when choosing them is mostly the person who has big amount of meeting frequency with us, the person who often hangs out with us, the person who ever has pretty memories  with us, the person who we assume to care about us, the person who have spent lot of time with us. but unexpectedly my unique friend has waaaaaaaaaaay different point of view. from what i've learnt from her answer, she seems to choose not because some reasons i've spelled because she chooses far reached people and mostly who have big time of lonesome. she locates herself to be caregiver when i ask her, and i don't lead her to that sight. 

one of them answer me well when suddenly she adds an alibi that she chooses it randomly, who ever she chooses  doesn't mean she likes them and who she doesn't choose doesn't mean she doesn't like them. but for me how random and fast you think, the first answer always be the frank one. those additional comments are just used to build alibis to blur their answer and stay safe. surprisingly one of them ask me back, then i tell her that way before i ask i've already chosen eight. and i don't know whether it's because the asking person is me or they just being honest, but mostly they include me. actually they don't have to feel bad if the asker not in their list, because sometimes it's okay to not be a part of somebody's life.

the aim is the judgement of one other person is different, they have their favorite, they have their own way to place people. it's not always but sometimes who you choose, choose you back. 

so, with your consciousness or not you're gonna be careful of whatever you choose on your life ;)

Favorite scene on LOL ( Keane - Somewhere Only We Know )

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