To Whom It May Concern

https://open.spotify.com/track/50Yl8KCgHmuLnTOt7mmGJw

Forgot the last time listening to this song which i started to listen since high school

The Day Goes By

You know it sounds stupid to be carried by a sad song. But sometimes it is necessary to put up some dramas of your life. I am beyond grateful to have everything in my life. Job, friends, family.
Working is fun with great partners, i get to laugh a lot everyday, i'm fed well, even i gain weight.
Family is good, not much actually, they are always fine, not giving me much worries.
Friends... Get new ones at work, but since everybody is so busy doing their own, some distances are made, even we can't meet once in a week anymore. I think it's time to move on to a new phase of life. I know everything won't be the same, i know it'll be temporary just like the other phases, but this will be the shortest onen, 2 years max and hopefully i'll jump to another phase.
I will tell you how much i miss my day back in the town. Everyday... Waking up in that house, get up, dress up, spend the whole day in campus. I miss how i walk past at you and we both laugh for no reason, i miss how we discuss everything, i miss how we end up waiting for the same meeting, i miss being called 'mbak nida''. As simple as that.

You Should've Known Better

You know, you should've known better.
Brokenhearted is simply not trusting anymore.
Is simply knowing someone else be treated the same as you
Is simply knowing you're not special anymore
Is simply feeling that every single of his jokes are not funny anymore
Is simply feeling that every encouragement from him is meaningless
That simple thing hit you right on the spot and in the mean time you realize you're not wanting him anymore
You're not expecting his chat anymore
And the best part is you're not breaking down for him anymore

RAWawawaw

It was almost midnight when i woke up from my evening nap. I wondered why i was awaken all of sudden. As a usual ritual i checked on my phone to read some messages and notifications. There was my college senior asking my recent phone number, he said his office wanted to contact me. Frankly, i forgot that i ever submitted my portfolio to this office, i even already given up that there would be any responses from my every submissions because apparently i just knew that my phone number that was written in my portfolio was inactive.
As i was half asleep, i texted my new number. I never ever expected that 5 minutes later... The office called. They wanted me to have an interview by skype tomorrow, i was shocked and answered unpreparedly by 'yes, tomorrow's good'.
The next day i ran to campus looking for my friend telling them how i was so flustered and unprepared to do the interview because... It was the very first job interview in my life. I did my interview in internet cafe just to make sure the internet connection was okay. But unfortunately the an hour interview was paused by losing connection, i also answered every single question abruptly because once again... I was unprepared. And they said they would inform me at least a week whether i was accepted or not.
It was exactly a week after, the boss personally called me saying that i was accepted and i should be able to start working as soon as possible.
At first i thought it was too soon, i mean, i just had my graduation a week ago, i hadn't had any holiday as i was dreaming all those college years. But there's a big but, this was a really great opportunity to join such an incredible architect firm. So i took the chance.
It was hard to leave such an amazing memorable places which had been a witness of my journeys, but by jumping out of my comfort zone i thought it would be worth it.

So here i am, working in the best office in the world, with such wonderful wonderful people.

RAW Architecture!

Hard

After having a month jobless, now i realize how life can be so hard. My dad is a civil servant whose salary not much, he has to pay for my tution, my life accomodation, and i'm glad i will be graduating soon. But... My brother just graduated high school, he has to get in to university, he failed more than 5 tests in various ways, he got in to private university which has high tuition payment, it's five times mine. I don't know how my parents will handle it. Yet, they still have to take care of my sister, who hasn't been able to take care of herself.
I don't know maybe this is my bad day. My brother went to the bank this morning to pay his tuition, i was asked to accompany him, but i acted like i didn't care, i wanted him to be brave to do anything by himself, to be independent, because i was too. My sister had a fight with my mother over a can of wafer, what the hell. And my dad who used to be a balancing beam had to go on business trip. And i'm useless.
I need a high salary job, maybe overseas, sure it'll be scary out there, but i have to be strong no matter what happen. There, i can practice my english too, so i don't have to pay extra for ielts course, i have a living course there. Yet, if i paid in dollar, it'll be multiplied in rupiahs.
I wanna help my dad so bad. I can take my master studies later, even though i'm given scholarship, i just wanna help my dad first, now.

12:08 AM

i mean... What was that?
It's been like a cycle for me, hot and cold every period of time.
Once i said i'd had enough, but the world conspired to drag me from the start again, and then it's being like this and that, until i came to the 'had enough' feeling again. I wonder why it is always coming back to it. I guess what you said sincere wasn't sincere enough either to make it crystal white clear out of the situation or completely close the door. How many times do i have to tell myself to call it quit?

Mass Group Iftar

since Ramadhan began, i'd been in some gatherings doing iftar with my friends. You can google 'ramadhan' and 'iftar' if you wanna know the exact meaning. In Indonesia, doing iftar together with your big family or your old friends, beside being a part of tradition, it is also being an event to meet up and keep in touch with each other. it is also being a home coming event for students who study outside the city. The first photo is my junior high school friends which i haven't met for almost 4 years. once everyone gathers up, we recall every mutual memorable things that happened back then. The second photo is me and the gang, the gang was the union of students body chairman batch 2012, which consists of 11 members and i'm the only girl in it, so i lead the gang by default. The third photo is my friends who did community service with me, how grateful we are can gather in a bright light mall and eat whatever we want because last year we ate in a pitch dark village which has no electricity system whatsoever. The fourth picture is my classmate, sadly that would be our last iftar together, some of us will be graduated in august, and they will walk in different path.

Love Medley

i've been listening to this song for months, every single time i hit youtube and begin to be confused what to watch, i end up watching this video. Voctave is in the perfectly perfect harmony and the angelical voice Kirstie wrap it up as the lead. Kirstie and Jeremy are currently engaged, what's sweeter than that? two beautiful beautiful people found their love in their voices, aaaw.
and that's the intro of what i'll be writing about.
so recently, i found out that my dearest friend, Mr. B is engaged. Of course the whole world must've been shocked, he's only my age (maybe older one or two years - i'm 21), he hasn't had his graduation yet, i mean, it's such a young age, i know it doesn't mean they will get married soon, but... yeah you know.
i discussed it with Mr. H, he's such a poetical person that sometimes i don't get him. He was once having his heart broken by a girl, he mourned for a long time and expressed every single feeling in writing, and now he's being such an expert in love. He told me how he wanted to bring his parents to a girl house, but they refused, because they thought it was too soon and they thought he hadn't been ready yet, well he hasn't been graduated, he even hasn't finished his thesis, i mean... c'mon -___-. He asked me to read his writing on a post, it says :

Kalau ada yang bilang bahwa puncak dari cinta adalah doa, maka aku rasa batas akhir dari cinta adalah kerelaan. Karena aku tidak pernah sepakat bahwa cinta itu tidak harus memiliki.

Bagi kalian yang telah merelakan ketidakbersamaan, maka aku rasa kalian pun sedang meleburkan rasa yang kalian sebut itu cinta. Ketika fase rela telah kalian capai, maka cinta sudah usai. Memupuk keikhlasan sedikit demi sedikit meski terkadang sakitnya masih terus berbisik-bisik.

that's the first paragraph of his writing which i can understand, the rest is... i'm not so sure, so yes... i agree with him on those points. Once you really love someone, you bring him into your prayers, you wish for his happiness, you wish for his safety, you wish for his health, you wish everything good happen to him, and apparently you wish to be with him for the rest of your life. But... when the peek of your prayers isn't granted, you cannot be with him, or he has someone else, or worst, you both adore each other but you praise different God. Trust me, in Indonesia, religion is the most discussed topic, because the first fundamental of this country cites oneness of God. Let's put aside religion thing.
Then i ask Mr. H, what if you say you've let someone go but you still want to have a role as the root support for him/her in his/her life even though he/she already has someone special in his/her life? is it really sincere letting go?
He said, do you still have a desire to have him?
I replied, well if i have the chance then why not, if it's not, it will be like whatever, what else i can do, surrender
He said, it means you are not ready to let it go, you still expect him to be yours, don't you?
I replied, a little...
He ended, well, you still have that feeling left.
so i conclude that being in love in real life isn't as easy as it sounds on love songs, and yet, it cannot easily being arranged beautifully to be a medley. Being in love in real life is tragedy, as if you can't only sing one romantic ballad song, it also includes electronic, rock, country, and even traditional songs, as if you can't imagine it like driving in highway, it's way more hilly, ups and downs, smooth and rocky. so, be careful ;)

BLESSED!!

i felt overjoyed beyond anything i could ever imagine. i have parents and siblings who stand by my side, and it feels like i have the whole universe along the street calling my name celebrating my achievement on completing one checkpoint in my life, yes, i finally got my degree!!! well it's not official yet cause i haven't done graduation ceremony but technically it's only a matter of time for the paper coming out stated i got the Bachelor of Engineering. i'd been posting on my instagram about how happy i was and i'd been thankful to my friends in any kind part of student organization i'd been to, i was so grateful you came to congratulate me, i was so grateful i had ever been knowing you guys, maybe you're not taking a part on finishing my thesis but trust me the whole 4 years in architectural engineering wouldn't be that easy if i'd never met you before.

there are sooo much memories for the past 4 years that i can not tell it one by one. i was once a super tiny student with no vision whatsoever to grow like this, i set my plan to be such a good student with a good grade, studying, doing assignment, going home every week, that's my goal for the first time i stepped into college. but then i got bored hahahaha studying and doing assignment in time didn't satisfy me, so i enrolled to one kind of student organization in my faculty, BEM KMFT, Mas Yanuar Rizki Pahlevi was the leader at that time, his way of speaking which full of spirit moved some people. i was so helpless back then, not knowing what to do, feeling like not fitting there, but i stayed anyway for 2 years with not much of integrity.

BEM KMFT wasn't really 'me' until i decided to be a double agent in my department joining student organization, but this organization was more of joking everywhere, not really tense and yet i knew the people personally because all of them were architecture students. i stayed there whole heartedly until i was chosen to be the chairman in my third year, at that time i was also chosen to be a chairman candidate of PAMIY.

it was the busiest yet unstable year in my college life, i was the first woman to rule in that place so i kept on thinking whether i did it right or not, whether i was accepted or not, whether i did it better or worse, whether i was annoying or not, whether i was bossy or not, and those other thousands which came up at that time. i kept on having doubt on myself, until finally my time to lead was ended. i could take a breath for a moment but then someone came offering another position. there there there, people oversold me, they expected me way too much while i was doubtful on myself. i accepted the offer anyway, my one and only motive at that time was to help my dear friend, i didn't expect everything, i just determined to be there when he needed me. but i thought i failed this time, i bailed on him so many times and let him taking care of anything on his own. guilty? yes.

the last semester was the one and only year which i didn't join any other extras, just doing my last assignment. and that bored me to death. i had someone at that time, and i screwed it all, it just didn't work out between us. i had mental breakdown then, my second phase of my assignment was the worst, i looked down on it, the result was just so-so. i did cry after the second seminar though, knowing that i could do better. but thankfully for the last seminar everything went well, i felt so free, i was so open, i was so determined to make everything happen, happiness everyday, i was so full of it.

i'm so grateful for all the people i have ever known who always help me in my yesteryears, help me getting through anything, be a good good friend, be such a great partner, thank you thank you thank you, kissgoodbye, take care

with the truest kind of love that as much as going back to the sun and back 

your annoying loud friend, Fakhriyyah Khairunnida'

 

Going all places, spending my pocket money for someones happiness is life goals. Even though i'm broke, even though i'm left behind, and there are whole lots of 'even though', but but but i can't resist to be touched myself when ones achieving one checkpoint in their life and to be a part of their achievement is a pride for me, having the same journey as a good friend, having a good memories on their best day. They will remember their best day for the rest of their life, and so will i.