BLESSED!!

i felt overjoyed beyond anything i could ever imagine. i have parents and siblings who stand by my side, and it feels like i have the whole universe along the street calling my name celebrating my achievement on completing one checkpoint in my life, yes, i finally got my degree!!! well it's not official yet cause i haven't done graduation ceremony but technically it's only a matter of time for the paper coming out stated i got the Bachelor of Engineering. i'd been posting on my instagram about how happy i was and i'd been thankful to my friends in any kind part of student organization i'd been to, i was so grateful you came to congratulate me, i was so grateful i had ever been knowing you guys, maybe you're not taking a part on finishing my thesis but trust me the whole 4 years in architectural engineering wouldn't be that easy if i'd never met you before.

there are sooo much memories for the past 4 years that i can not tell it one by one. i was once a super tiny student with no vision whatsoever to grow like this, i set my plan to be such a good student with a good grade, studying, doing assignment, going home every week, that's my goal for the first time i stepped into college. but then i got bored hahahaha studying and doing assignment in time didn't satisfy me, so i enrolled to one kind of student organization in my faculty, BEM KMFT, Mas Yanuar Rizki Pahlevi was the leader at that time, his way of speaking which full of spirit moved some people. i was so helpless back then, not knowing what to do, feeling like not fitting there, but i stayed anyway for 2 years with not much of integrity.

BEM KMFT wasn't really 'me' until i decided to be a double agent in my department joining student organization, but this organization was more of joking everywhere, not really tense and yet i knew the people personally because all of them were architecture students. i stayed there whole heartedly until i was chosen to be the chairman in my third year, at that time i was also chosen to be a chairman candidate of PAMIY.

it was the busiest yet unstable year in my college life, i was the first woman to rule in that place so i kept on thinking whether i did it right or not, whether i was accepted or not, whether i did it better or worse, whether i was annoying or not, whether i was bossy or not, and those other thousands which came up at that time. i kept on having doubt on myself, until finally my time to lead was ended. i could take a breath for a moment but then someone came offering another position. there there there, people oversold me, they expected me way too much while i was doubtful on myself. i accepted the offer anyway, my one and only motive at that time was to help my dear friend, i didn't expect everything, i just determined to be there when he needed me. but i thought i failed this time, i bailed on him so many times and let him taking care of anything on his own. guilty? yes.

the last semester was the one and only year which i didn't join any other extras, just doing my last assignment. and that bored me to death. i had someone at that time, and i screwed it all, it just didn't work out between us. i had mental breakdown then, my second phase of my assignment was the worst, i looked down on it, the result was just so-so. i did cry after the second seminar though, knowing that i could do better. but thankfully for the last seminar everything went well, i felt so free, i was so open, i was so determined to make everything happen, happiness everyday, i was so full of it.

i'm so grateful for all the people i have ever known who always help me in my yesteryears, help me getting through anything, be a good good friend, be such a great partner, thank you thank you thank you, kissgoodbye, take care

with the truest kind of love that as much as going back to the sun and back 

your annoying loud friend, Fakhriyyah Khairunnida'

 

Going all places, spending my pocket money for someones happiness is life goals. Even though i'm broke, even though i'm left behind, and there are whole lots of 'even though', but but but i can't resist to be touched myself when ones achieving one checkpoint in their life and to be a part of their achievement is a pride for me, having the same journey as a good friend, having a good memories on their best day. They will remember their best day for the rest of their life, and so will i.

Keke S.T.

So, this is an open letter for BrilKeLar
Hi oldies congratulation on your degree yaaa, soon enough you'll take off to do community service, eh? (Kkn), and i'll be having graduation, and will be separated wkwkwkwkwk sooo sooo sooo, so this is for you ke.
I'm not so sure when we first met when we both knew each other, i'm not so sure why we're destined to be side by side walking, running, talking, singing, gossiping, arguing, debating, jumping, falling, climbing, building our life together. But since that time you've helped me like A LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT, i can't remember every details but i'll take this opportunity to thank you infinitely and uncountably because whatever i did whatever happened you remained to be there. There. For all the sacrifices you made, for all the whole time i took from you, for every heartache i caused, i'm so so so sorry from the very deepest of my bronchus, lung, heart, and kidney. I, you, we never know what will happen in the future, but i wish you the whole world to be a successful woman, kind wife, incredible mom and on top of that still being my friendest friend for the rest of your life. Wikikikikik, bye.
If you read this please don't ever mention it in our real life, can't stand the awkwardness.

Draft 8 November 2015

karena tahun ini tahun terakhir saya kuliah (aamiin) dan ini adalah semester ketika saya melepas semua kesibukan selain tugas kuliah. Doa saya untuk 3 lembaga yang telah menampung saya sejak 3 tahun terakhir.

BEM KMFT UGM
hai BEM, aku dulu milih kamu demi ngga jadi mahasiswa kupu - kupu, aku dulu milih kamu karena melihat ketua BEM orasi pas PPSMB itu keren, aku dulu milih kamu karena kakak pemanduku juga milih kamu. Maafin aku dulu sempet bosen sama kamu, maafin aku sering ngilang dengan berbagai alasan dan maafin aku pernah hampir bubarin kamu, tapi demi apapun itu demi kebaikan kamu, demi kamu yang jujur terbuka dan ngga arogan, ngga eksklusif dan ngga gerak sendiri.
untuk itulah aku berdoa buat kamu. siapapun  nanti yang gantiin teman superhero aku, M. Hibatur Rahman, siapapun dia, semoga perjuangan teman superheroku ini tetap dijunjung tinggi, kesatuan teknik tetap terjaga, sekre KMFT untuk semua, ketua lembaga satu pikiran, integrasi kerja satu sama lain tetap terjaga, publikasi berjalan lancar, ngga ada tawur antar suporter km/hm, ngga ada protes protes ke BEM lagi, ngga ada #saveOase lagi karena aku harap semoga kita semua bisa tambah saling dewasa dan bisa nyelesein masalah dengan kepala dingin.
sekali lagi siapapun yang gantiin teman superhero aku, plis jangan putus perjuangan dia.

PAMIY
hai PAMIY, kamu adalah kesalahan aku di saat saat tertentu. Dulu bahkan aku underestimate kamu karena dulu yang ngajakin gabung ke kamu bukan kakak angkatan yang cukup hits buat jadi panutan. Tapi walaupun mereka ngga hits, mereka berhasil narik aku. Kali pertama aku official jadi bagian dari kamu, aku ditawari jadi calon pejabat tertinggi, tapi apalah, saat itu aku hanya tumbal untuk menggenapi jumlah calon, jadi tumbal biar ada calon dari ugm, jadi tumbal biar bergejolak, jadi tumbal biar ada yang cantik. Secara struktural dan fungsional kamu kacau, double job di mana mana, anggota ilang ilangan, koordinasi ngga jelas dsb dst. Tapi tanpa kamu, seorang Nida' ngga akan nekat keliling 7 univ di jogja dari ujung pasar ngasem sampek ujung jakal dalam waktu kurang dari 2 jam. Tanpa kamu, aku ngga pernah kenal siapa Agant yang pernah punya pengen masuk ugm, siapa kribo yang ternyata preman genius, siapa siho yang... emang ngga jelas, siapa reja yang rutin gonta ganti pacar, siapa milan yang pinter gitar, siapa zainal anak papua muka jawa, siapa bondan si petualang, siapa faiz onta, siapa dina emak emak bawel, siapa eno cantik yang ngga bisa begadang, siapa ikram aktivis yang kuliah ngga kelar kelar, siapa wazid yang allahuakbar kalemnya, siapa dinar mendes kw super, siapa yogo beruang kutub, siapa caca cantik, siapa alfa, siapa gondo taufiq sama cahyo bocah bocah ajaib, siapa abrar, siapa yelmi, siapa dera, siapa bejo dan yang lain yang ngga bisa disebutin satu satu. Next time we meet again, aku harap kmu udah ngga semenderita dulu, ngga seberantakan dulu, tapi lebih kekeluargaan dari dulu.

KMTA
[Kosong, belum sempet ngelanjutin]

Hi stalker,
Hai Nana, Hai Nisa

I'm coming back for good.
I guess my 'garbage talking' ability has decreased a lot. So many things happened, and I'm sorry i haven't got either guts or time to share it openly. I'm not gonna tell you everything because yeah you know it'll be too long.
2015 was a bitch. Wiswakharman Expo, dethroned, promoted, 2-months without signal, without electricity and skipped ied with family-kind of community service, and then i met someone, criticism here and there, irresponsible, having an ex ministry studio lecturer for 6 months, pre-thesis, bored, heartbroken (not me), straight A. Those are the sums up
2016 was begun with too many dramas. How will it turn out? wish me luck!

 

 

I Miss This Random Combo

I miiiiihiiiissss youuuhuuu sooohooo baaahaaad

God, tell my mother

God, please tell my mom to stay strong, tell her to stay healthy, tell her to get enough rest, tell her You will help her get through anything, telk her her daughter gonna be a great person, tell her her son gonna be an awesome one, tell her i'm doing fine, tell her i will make her the happiest mother in the world, tell her i have a lot of friend, tell her i'm trying to be a nice person to everybody, tell her i know a lot of people, tell her i've been having so much fun, tell her i'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass, tell her i love her so much, tell her i wanna go home.

You're finally cracked up today, both. Your anger and your tears.
The monologue behind your head keep repeating itself you've failed this time. You completely lose it.
They say you have to hold on, they say they have your back, they say it's gonna be just fine. Who are they kidding?
You're not allowed to lose it, you have to bear it. Just like anybody else thought who you are, then be it, please anyone. Even if you just have one leg you need to stand up, even if you just have one ear you need to listen up, even if you just have one eye you need to see. Tell yourself you're not allowed to complain, tell yourself you're not allowed to get tired, nobody give a damn about what you've been through, nobody will simphatize you if you act so weak, nobody doesn't really care when you're bleeding, so get a grip and save yourself.
Get yourself together, your life is too good to be frowning.

Drafted 1/3/2015 : Kadang Hari

Kadang pengen berbagi sama semua orang tentang hari. Kemarin, hari ini dan besok.
Tentang siapa aja yang ditemui, kemana aja, kapan.
Tentang kekangenan untuk sebagian orang dan beberapa hal.
Tentang mimpi mimpi aneh yang singgah tadi malam.
Tentang jokes sederhana yang lucunya luar biasa.
Tentang sunset yang selalu terbelakangi ketika di jembatan layang.
Tentang spontanitas mampir di kampus kedua setelah kampus sendiri.
Tentang hidup sehari ini yang ditutup dengan selamat tinggal yang cantik.

Tapi cara pandang orang berbeda, itu yang membatasi kita untuk berbagi. Sebagian orang menganggap kamu sok sibuk, sebagian lagi menganggap kamu luar biasa, sebagian lagi tak peduli dengan kehidupanmu, sebagian lain bahkan tak terbersit menanyakan keadaanmu.
Bukan minta diperhatikan atau minta dikasihani. Kadang hanya ingin berbagi betapa serunya hari ini.

Rain

Frankly, i don't even know why people love rain that goddamn much.
The picture of dark clouds is the most terrifying beginning.
The sound of those amounts of water is the sign of 'now anything's gonna be worse'.
The chilly wind get your guts lessen.
The wet pavement's ready to eat you up.
And in the end the mistical smell of the ground is just like a funeral parade.
I don't hate rain, but i don't like it either.
But instead of being alone in a crowd, i'd rather jump in the rain and being scared.
Bye.