Swear on My Life

I swear on my life if i didn't get the chance to go home is not my will.
I swear on my life i didn't make the second priority.
I swear on my life i love them to the moon and back.
But i want everyone to swear on their life to not judge me and assume i change.

I don't know lah.
This and that... Here and there. If only i could split my self up and not make any mess. Arranging pieces by pieces of life event, without even bad mouthing people.
If only people understand with no further elaboration.

None Needs to Notice

At the time like this,
When you need everyone the most, when you can't handle anything by yourself. Dan tapi yaudah, boten angsal nggresulo :)

So Today

So today...
I got a ticket, in front of my dad's office. i had to go to the court next week, it's just because of my motorcycle's lamp didn't turn on.
And i didn't call my dad.
My 50k which should be in my pocket was gone. I thought it was slipped out when i took my phone in front of the police.
And i didn't call my mom.
Because of shocks and unprepared brakes, i fell from motorcycle. Luckily no bruise.
And everybody knew, i got my ankle sprained so i limped, that's why.
And all those journey finally ended at 10pm, and at that second i excused myself to just call it a day.

Mother How Are You Today?

Your phone call today finally made my day. I know you miss me, i miss you too. Look i'm fighting now to get my dream, to make you happy, to make everything finally worth in the future. I'm sorry i can't make it home first thing first in the morning, i have a duty to be fulfilled, i promise you i'll go down town next week.
I'm sorry you have to go through anything on your own, i'm sorry i am never be a helping hand for you, i'm sorry wholeheartedly. I love you.

Now and Then

Because sometimes we don't need to be afraid to lose someone, if it's meant to be... It will be.
And don't expect too much, please stop making yourself to be miserable and hang on too tight

For Those Who Cares

Ain't nobody running a country here, you can say we're not. Is asking for a little caring for one another a sin? Is asking for a help from a friend a criminal? They just don't know how it feels to be you.

Why The Hell Not

I wish there will be days when a group of people doubt my integrity, some other people will point at my picture and say " I don't know what you're talking about, even though we're not so close with her, and even she doesn't know us at all, we know she's one of a kind.
She, who dare to take the responsibility, to take the risks, to take the blame and to sacrifice for her loved ones. She, who stand up for justice, defend who's right, help those whom in need and care for humanity.We completely know she's no perfect, there are flaws everywhere, she did make mistakes, but who didn't, right?
I remembered when we first met her, she smiled and hugged us as she already knew us for a long time, the way she stared at us showing no arrogance but confidence.
But, who am I kidding? we did have a lot of fight, she's stubborn enough to defend her arguments, bossy enough to lead us to some conclusions and strict enough about time management. But sure we know she did it for us, to discipline us.
She's such a sweetheart by letting all the laughs and the smiles spread around her freely and smartly hiding some problems behind it. She had another side that we didn't know, that introvert side of her.
You know... she's she. If only we had a chance to say one thing to her, we would say 'you're someone we look up to'"

okay, maybe that's too much :p I only have few friends who really know me and accept me that well, having a trauma of trusting people too much really affect daily life for sure. but imagining someone defend me from bad - back - talk about me is so touching for me, even more having the thought of how many people will cry at my funeral and how many of them will be really devastated by my death, it's just an absurd thinking.
I really need them who will catch my back, who will fully put trust on me, who will walk side by side with me, because I just got some kind of big responsibility, which is rare for a girl to be on it because it's men majority in my faculty and some people are just not believing me because i'm a girl who used to use heart more than brain, who used to overthink small matters, who used to be weaker. I don't deny those statement, because it does happen... sometimes. but the responsibility's just put in my hand, and by that, of course i won't bail. And when there's something new in my life, it's like part of me whispers 'WHY THE HELL NOT'

credit to Rakha Dewanto for editing

Support, yes?

i will be needing this picture on all of my display gadget for the next whole year...
c'mon 'negara api' gimme your best shot!

Mis

sometimes in one moment you miss someone so bad that you couldn't resist to take your phone and write garbage then send it to someone. you wanna meet that person so bad, you forget what your real purpose is.
then you meet that person, then you mislead your feeling and forget how will you take it in a real life mode.
no celebratory, no garbage talk, not even a hello, just a random shout out of nowhere.
then the competition begin. which of us live happier, which of us be more adventurous, which of us have more interesting story. i don't know, it's just numb.
until the end of that event, neither of us even have a single real conversation of how we miss each other, how you live, how i live, how i've been through this year. none, it's just one ambiguous goodbye-hug being a score. and that's that haha.