when you're crazily busy and bail on so many appointments
then you go trying not to bail on another one by cancelling the other, you get an uncertainty as the feedback :)
it's so okay

Lola's Back

In a friendly environment like Manhattan, it's the day when Lola walked by, she knocked at Mrs. Angelique she asked to go to her bathroom because her way to home was still a bit far. from Mrs. Angelique window's she saw that boy standing across the street. he seemed confused for a while, then a girl came out with big grin wearing yellow skirt with a beautiful ribbon on her big head. both smiled at each other. Lola was called by Mrs. Angelique. She went out right after she fulfilled her business, she walked down the street. in front of her, that boy and that girl walked cheery, it seemed to realize Lola's presence.

"Oh, hi Lola!", he greeted

"Hi Alex, good day huh?", answered her. shortly.

"Yeah, it's bright enough. Oh, this is my new neighbor, my new friend too, Rose. Rose, this is Lola, my classmate"

"Hi, i'm Lola, please to meet you, welcome to our town", answered her by recklessly shaking Rose's hand

"Nice to meet you too, Lola", Rose answered

"Hey we're going to Bill's, you can come?", asked Alex

"Oh, can't. i've got to get home real quick, see you at school tomorrow, bye"

Lola talked without even looked at their face and turned her body fast. She stared at one point when the street didn't even look like a street anymore. She tucked both her hands to her jeans' pocket, plugged her earphone and pressed the button of her music player. The Scientist by Coldplay playing.

she couldn't pretend to be happy when the place she used to live 7 years ago felt so strange. a friend who used to be her neighbor had already got a new neighbor. a candy shop that used to have a big neon at front, now it became an office of diamond agent. those black classical street lights turned red. those humid asphalt which reflected the spirit of the moon just showed a common grey road, she screamed in silent. she didn't blame anyone for this lonesome, it's just like everything had changed and all what'd been given to her was taken. she used to have that house, she used to have that middle chair in the class, she used to have someone on the phone to talk, she used to have someone to text, she used to have an extra candy, she used to have place to shout the hell out. 

All she felt now, all that she wanted was just to have everything she used to have, sometimes people didn't wanna grow up, but that's not what she wanted. as the soundtrack of Tangled went on, she sang along

"Flower gleam and glow, let the power shine, make the clock reverse

  bring back what once was mine.... what once was mine"

Maroon 5 - Daylight

lemme be frank i wasn't really interested in this music video before because of the thumbnail of the video just seems so common, plus most of Maroon 5's MVs are explicit. but this... this video isn't selling the song, it sells the story behind. it shows how this world isn't as peace as it seems, there are a whole lot of crisis especially for teenagers. hundreds teens bullied, hundreds of them are already being orphans, hundreds other commits suicide, cancer, anorexic, bulimic, uses drugs and such.
most of them are being aside because of their religion, color, their parents' job or their social status. this video shows how people around the world shouting and asking for help, it's their confession to the world and of course they don't want their other friends from another side of the world suffers like them. 

the most touching scene for me is when a girl holds a white paper with 'I'm A Muslim and I'm Proud of It' on it. and yeah so do I, I'm a Moslem and I really really proud to be part of it, with no single doubt.

first thing first on this video is don't judge each other, respect and love each other is waaaay lighter thing to do. no matter what they say, you are who you are, you don't need to be ashamed if your fat, you don't need to feel small if you're black, you don't have to study all the time just because you're Asian, hang out and talk to strangers sometimes, be honest to everyone, smile and laugh everyday, don't anchor yourself in misery, say 'thanks' and 'please' frequently. all that advises are resumed in 'stand up, be bold, and chin up!' ;)

Mother's Day Letter

Dear Mother,

i don't know how to put my feelings in to words. i'm not another kids who easily express their love in front of  their mom, i am your ignorant typical daughter. i forgot how you always asked what i've got from school eleven years ago, i almost forgot how you and i rode motorcycle without raincoat in the middle of heavy rain and you bought me meatball soup just to keep my body warm again. and i remember how i told you my bad dream and you told me it's just my imagination. i hardly remember how you were so upset to me when you found out that i lied to you, and you always didn't take any side when your first and second daughter fought.
i'm sorry i had ever thought that you're not a good mother, that you're not being fair with me, that you didn't love me. i'm deadly sorry for that. i'm sorry sometimes i'm not a nice kid you always want, i'm not a kid who can't please you, not even make you proud. i'm sorry i made you mad, oftenly.
sometimes i miss you like.. so bad. i miss our family at that time. sometimes i imagine if bad things didn't occur to us, if both your daughter could study well in college and came home every weekend, happily. you're  super super super woman, the real one, i've ever known. we're more than lucky enough to have you.
thank you for taking care of me until now, thank you for not giving up, thank you for your godzilla size of patience, thank you for keeping an eye on me, thank you for your short pep talk before school, thank you for staying beside dad, thank you for teaching me how a good kid should be. i love you so much more than i love myself, if i have to die to pay your love back...... i will even though it isn't possible to be equal

with my whole heart,
Your daughter

That was That : Engineer's Environment

Mendengar kata “fakultas teknik”, banyak orang – termasuk saya – membayangkan di dalamnya terdapat orang – orang dengan taraf intelektual yang tinggi, ditambah lagi dengan embel – embel nama universitas yang tak asing lagi didengar masyarakat Indonesia bahkan sampai ke telinga internasional. Memang kenyataan di lapangan anak fakultas teknik sangat aktif baik dalam perkuliahan maupun organisasi. Lingkungan yang restless menuntut mahasiswa untuk terus bekerja dan belajar. Hal itu membuat kesehatan pribadi mereka menempati presentasi terkecil dalam otak mereka, terlebih lagi ada sebagian dari mereka yang beralibi mencari inspirasi atau menenangkan diri dengan rokok. sebenarnya pihak universitas sudah melarang baik staff maupun mahasiswa dari masing - masing fakultas untuk tidak merokok di lingkungan kampus. Namun pemikiran konvensional "peraturan dibuat untuk dilanggar" masih menggelantungi pola pikir mereka. masih banyak perokok - perokok yang dengan santai melenggang tanpa ada yang menegur atau memberi sanksi. hal tersebut membuktikan pihak universitas maupun fakultas menutup mata terhadap peraturan yang telah dibuat.

Bukti nyata dari pelangggaran tersebut dapat dilihat di salah satu jurusan di fakultas teknik. Setiap menginjak jam makan siang, kantin jurusan tersebut bukan lagi menjadi tempat makan melainkan sudah berubah menjadi smoking area. Hal tersebut membuat penghuni yang lain merasa sangat tidak nyaman. 

Masih ada beberapa hal mengagetkan yang saya temukan belakangan ini. Angkatan saya mengadakan malam kesenian beberapa minggu yang lalu. Seluruh urusan acara berjalan lancar, menurut rencana acara kami akan selesai sekitar pukul 11 malam dan perijinan baik dari fakultas maupun keamanan kampus sudah kami kantongi termasuk ijin portal gerbang kampus. Namun sayangnya karena durasi molor acara selesai pukul setengah 12 dan penjaga portal sudah menutup portal gerbang kampus.

lalu apa yang terjadi dengan tamu dan panitia yang masih berada di lokasi?

to be continued

Thank God, It was Friday

it's two days ago when i woke up in a such shiny face, took a bath at dawn, got dressed and prepared anything before the sun even blinked. guess what? i was going to the beach beach beach!!! it's been a while for me since a year ago before the war to get in to college begin. the six of us went a little bit late but everything went well in the way. all of us didn't even know how to get there, we just brought a map, luckily some polices didn't mind giving us the direction when we asked. it's about 8.30 am when we arrived at Sundak Beach. it was so marvelously fun. it was our first holiday together, they're my group in architectural design studio, even though we just met less than half year, we're just that close.

on the way back to the city, we're lost. not completely lost, but yeah just lost. we asked people many times to make sure we're in the right direction. still, even though we're on the right track, it took longer time than when we departed before. it was a really hot day, everybody's burnt. finally, we stepped our feet in the city, we grabbed an almost-evening lunch quickly. then we went back to our own home.

the journey didn't just end that way, my journey was still going on. i waited my friends to come, but then they bailed me on, because the weather was so bad. so i decided to go home to my hometown around 5 pm. it was dark rainy with slippery street. i reached the borderline city safely, there was an exhale when i was finally in my town. but then, i got an accident. i didn't know where it came from but suddenly a black car was right beside me, not even a single milimeter distance. i got a help from a gas station security.

"are you okay?", asked him

"yes", answered me while i looked in to my feet to make sure everything's okay. and then i saw blood.

first thought was 'oh my God, i'm bleeding', second thought 'it's okay, i'm still able to walk', third thought 'shit, i have to get my thumb sewed'. then the security took me to the nearest hospital. the lady who drove the car also following us. she's responsible enough, she paid for the hospital bills. then one of the hospital staff asked me to inform my family, he took my phone and called home.

as what i'd predicted, everybody's in tears. the whole family was in panicked attack. i knew for sure they had a big trauma with 'accident', since my sister hadn't even healed yet until now.

when i reached home, my grandpa had already waited in the living room, everybody stood up like it was something that they expected coming. 

"i'm okay", i said

then i was rained by my grandma's kisses around my cheek and forehead. i saw my mom's eyes, she just cried, i felt everybody's exhalation in front of my face. what a relief hahaha.

these two days are total holiday, but i can't go anywhere because of my sewed thumb. so i'm just at home lying on a bed, doing the damn sketches assignments.

so, in the end i want you, everybody, to respect your own safety and your family's. with your knowing or not, if you're hurt, trust me, everybody's hurt also. they love you more than yourself. :)

sometimes we need to get away from anything, just be away, to gain a thing what we called being calm. but for some people to be calm isn't always quite, isn't always to be alone. for me, being calm is when you know you have someone to get your back, people who cheer you up when you don't even know what to do when you're down. as simple as replying your friend's text may be one of the way. you know he/she's on a crisis, giving solution or just listening is way more than enough for him/her.
especially for unstable freshmen like me and my friends, we just entered our completely new life, our future life depends on what we do now, but the main obstacle here is 'being far from home'. most of them who haven't got the experience being far from home before (including me) feel homesick. it may affect their life cycle a lot. to be there for your friend in this phase is really important, because they have no one to lean.
the first year's curriculum also always the hardest because there's gonna be a lesson we haven't ever learned before.
to manage, to be responsible, to take care of our own life... believe me it's hard like hell. the ups and the downs can't be omitted in our life. the thing we need to hold is don't ever ever ever give up what you've got now, i know you know we know what we take is what we want, and we always know we can get through this, don't we? huh?

"to expect something pretty the day before
then drown in a misery the next day because what you get isn't what you want"

that sentence haunts me, like the whole day of this week, wanna know why, because some reasons i don't wanna talk about

YAY!

WHOOAAAA GOD! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!

since my last entry, i am now being a college student. i've been sooooooo busy since the very beginning of my student's orientation. i got a whole lot of new wonderful friends in my group of orientation, we've been very close because the condition that forced us to worked together with a bunch of assignment. unfortunately we're barely able to meet each other because of the difference of study that we take. i have to join 3 student's orientation (God >___<) for the university, faculty and department, i'd done two and one more to go. 

it's been such a wonderful experience to be away from home, sometimes i get so lonely but the other side i feel happy because i'm able to stand by myself and keep myself safe. i like my boarding house, yeah it's so quite, but mostly it's comfortable. i have a little problem in doing housework because of lack of time. 

after all, i like being in architectural engineering, even though it seems hard and some people may not like it, but so far i'm enjoying myself to move step by step. to be frank, i'm not a good sketcher, but here we are commanded to be a good one. my very loyal friends are pencils, eraser and sketchbook.

i also apply for one of biggest organization in the faculty, but i don't know whether i'll get it in or not, doesn't matter though, it's a gratefulness if yes but if not then i still have another path.

the hardest part is the time management, honestly i feel okay with every single activities i take, but sometimes the people who make it runs slower make my mood turns down. it'll make everything insufficient. time needs to be respected, it needs to be used properly and we have to maximalized the result of the use of it. sometimes i want people to speed up, but then i'm afraid they think i'm too tough or something. but then again, to change people is hard as hell so we better change ourselves first. BE THE SOLUTION ;)
here are some pictures through my journeys this month
ps: look at the score in the corner of drawing paper, it's C domination hahahahaha

Dandy's Letter (Chapt 1)

Semomuille,

i swear... it's not that i'm ungrateful, i can literally make a tent anywhere anytime, i can survive it all

but the problem isn't me. the problem is about the Mrs. Board, i have made a promise with her, like so many times i've bailed. i can not bail on this one, this is kinda last chance i break my promise, because this is the edge of my situation. it's like everything is so sure there, but unfortunately you make it so unstable here.

i've told you along ago to do it, but you didn't gimme much response nor effort to help me doing it. yet at that so along ago Depopriquille still got a whole lot to do, yet another hysterical creature always wants to be on your behalf. so what could i do?

when this time you bring it up to change it, i can't stand it but to dried my tears of disappointment again. i think you see it, i think you know i'm having a hard time, so you agree to get back on track. i know i'm not good at anything, yet i'm just ignorant. i'm sorry, if i've been a real burden.

i know you want to tag me along, i know for sure, but you just can't because something holds you here. i know you ask that person not because if that person wants to, but because if that person lets you. it's been really hard for us. please, be easy on each others. thank you

truly yours,

Dandy