"to expect something pretty the day before
then drown in a misery the next day because what you get isn't what you want"
that sentence haunts me, like the whole day of this week, wanna know why, because some reasons i don't wanna talk about
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
YAY!
WHOOAAAA GOD! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!
since my last entry, i am now being a college student. i've been sooooooo busy since the very beginning of my student's orientation. i got a whole lot of new wonderful friends in my group of orientation, we've been very close because the condition that forced us to worked together with a bunch of assignment. unfortunately we're barely able to meet each other because of the difference of study that we take. i have to join 3 student's orientation (God >___<) for the university, faculty and department, i'd done two and one more to go.
it's been such a wonderful experience to be away from home, sometimes i get so lonely but the other side i feel happy because i'm able to stand by myself and keep myself safe. i like my boarding house, yeah it's so quite, but mostly it's comfortable. i have a little problem in doing housework because of lack of time.
after all, i like being in architectural engineering, even though it seems hard and some people may not like it, but so far i'm enjoying myself to move step by step. to be frank, i'm not a good sketcher, but here we are commanded to be a good one. my very loyal friends are pencils, eraser and sketchbook.
i also apply for one of biggest organization in the faculty, but i don't know whether i'll get it in or not, doesn't matter though, it's a gratefulness if yes but if not then i still have another path.
the hardest part is the time management, honestly i feel okay with every single activities i take, but sometimes the people who make it runs slower make my mood turns down. it'll make everything insufficient. time needs to be respected, it needs to be used properly and we have to maximalized the result of the use of it. sometimes i want people to speed up, but then i'm afraid they think i'm too tough or something. but then again, to change people is hard as hell so we better change ourselves first. BE THE SOLUTION ;)
here are some pictures through my journeys this month
ps: look at the score in the corner of drawing paper, it's C domination hahahahaha
here are some pictures through my journeys this month
ps: look at the score in the corner of drawing paper, it's C domination hahahahaha
Friday, August 24, 2012
Dandy's Letter (Chapt 1)
Semomuille,
i swear... it's not that i'm ungrateful, i can literally make a tent anywhere anytime, i can survive it all
but the problem isn't me. the problem is about the Mrs. Board, i have made a promise with her, like so many times i've bailed. i can not bail on this one, this is kinda last chance i break my promise, because this is the edge of my situation. it's like everything is so sure there, but unfortunately you make it so unstable here.
i've told you along ago to do it, but you didn't gimme much response nor effort to help me doing it. yet at that so along ago Depopriquille still got a whole lot to do, yet another hysterical creature always wants to be on your behalf. so what could i do?
when this time you bring it up to change it, i can't stand it but to dried my tears of disappointment again. i think you see it, i think you know i'm having a hard time, so you agree to get back on track. i know i'm not good at anything, yet i'm just ignorant. i'm sorry, if i've been a real burden.
i know you want to tag me along, i know for sure, but you just can't because something holds you here. i know you ask that person not because if that person wants to, but because if that person lets you. it's been really hard for us. please, be easy on each others. thank you
truly yours,
Dandy
The Swing Lady
hard enough to tear those dried maple leaves into pieces
he walks across pedestrians path, doesn't even care about the traffic
doesn't even give a damn about the grey clouds gather above
keeps walking to his best runaway place
the place that he's known almost his whole life
he has been even there when he was two, said his mother
there's no particular fence to limit that place, just a line of iron pipe as its divider with the pedestrians way
not even a welcoming gate
he's here yet anyway, bringing red face, messy hair, and whole lot of... what is that?
the complexion of anxiety, disappointment, resentment, anger and ambition
he sits on the edge of the sand box which exactly is the center of the place
he stands in sudden, put a fist on his hands, start kicking the sand randomly
as he moves out from the sand box, the dust swaying restlessly
he's on the ladder, pushing himself up, imagining like he's on the way to the top of Everest
he hangs on the monkey bar strongly as if there's lava beneath him
as he stops on the safe land of happily ever after, he can't just stop
because he believes there's no such thing, there's not
he's seated, ready to crawl in to a dark tunnel in front
he blows the fear away, face the fact that he can't be down unless he passes the tunnel
he takes his first step, close his eyes for a while, then crawl as fast as he can
"WOAH", he gasps. that's the first word i heard from him since he's here awhile ago
i believe he saw the lights to finish the tunnel
he stands still in front of the exit mouth of the tunnel, he crosses both hands on his chest
he takes a deep breath as if he just be freed from a jail
as he reaches the top of the slide, he begins to sit, straightens his legs. he slides
he closes his both eyes, feels the breeze, enjoys the way wind messes with his hair
and he sticks the land
he doesn't seem satisfied already, he looks for another journey
he can't play see-saw, it needs two people to balance it
he shrugs
he runs to the only merry-go-round, put his hands on one of the handle
and run faster than the come-running
after the third spin, he jumps up to the yellow side of the merry-go-round
once again, he enjoys the breeze, spreads his arms wide as his tummy holds him from falling forward
want it or not, the merry-go-round must've stopped gradually
without him realizing, the grey clouds have passed, and now as he looks up the sky
the gorgeous stand out sunset rules the town, forces those skyscrapers to bow down
he's out from the merry, walking towards the iron pipe fence, jumps over it
and takes an easy light step with a smile piercing on his face
do you know? he has taken all the ride of this place, except this one
the one i've always be riding, the swing
he knew the swing had something, he knew i'd been watching him, he knew i was there even though... even though...
even though no one sees me
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Restoration
hai!
my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, because i don't like the phrase 'best friends'. I am so glad to have you all. i don't know how you all end up stepping into my life, even though at first we're not a total stranger but who knows the fate brings you right in front of my way. i know some of you might not always be my savior, not always be there when i needed, not always care for my business, not always know what the hell i went through, not always come in the right situation, not always nice even sometimes have a little chicken fight for a while. but that's not it, yes you do ever heard the words 'nobody's perfect', go that way and you'll find everything makes sense.
i don't know how to arrange words by words to show you how i'm really grateful and thanked just to have ever known you. i swear i'm not the person who can always be nice all the time, but you accept me anyway. you know i'm a total pigheaded person, and often argue for a little thing, but you (esp. Arden & Ade) never take it too hard, and it will be ended, like, 5 minutes then.
there were always some serious conversations when we caught in a bad thing, and when it goes to YM (hahahahahaha) i definitely still have the archive of the whole conversation.other than that, some silly conversation also comes up from texts, sometimes it's just
"have you slept?"
"haven't yet. why?"
"nope, just looking for company"
sometimes it's just
"global TV, NOW"
then i'm just like "what's it?" because i don't really like watching TV
and then they will "It's Taylor" or "It's Sean" or "It's a movie, there's a guy from Wild Child"
i will miss that thing while i won't have any TV in my future boarding house.
that was the time when the school bell rang and some of us just stay in our class, literally not doing nothing but we just assumed we're doing nothing because we didn't have productive doings. we'd just sing randomly, play card and such.
i cannot just tell specifically and point out your name because i can't really remember details and there's moment when some people aren't included. i cherish all the things we've been through, cause yeah it has been a lot going on, by that i do really mean A LOT.
as what i've said i know i'm not a good person, i'm a jerk. so it's okay if you scold me at some times, it's okay for you to tell me that i'm a fucking annoying person, it's okay if you tell people my bad side, it's okay to talk bad about me behind. but please come to your sense then, just do that for a second and back being my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, okay i'm so demanding. or you can just continue doing that, then i'll continue pretending you're not doing that :)
beside the gratitude, i do need to apologize A LOT to you. i'm so immature that i can't control myself not to hate people, sorry. i'm so bossy that i yell to people instead of talking nicely to gain a help. i'm so over confidence that sometimes i think i can handle anything by myself when the fact is i cannot. i'm so ignorant that sometimes i don't care what you are up to. even sometimes i don't let you finish your words first. i'm thinking too much and over reacting, that may lead me to 'Ms. wow-so-important'. i deeply sorry for every hearts that are hurt, every single waste feeling just to please me but i can't give it back, every words that haven't finished, every awkward situation i make, every sudden shouting that i randomly make. i'm so so so sorry.
thank you for spending more than 1.000.000 seconds with me. thank you for making me not-whiny girl anymore. thank you for teaching me anything. thank you for appearing your face in front of me. thank you for asking my sister's condition. thank you for encouraging me. thank you for trusting me. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for all the hugs.
i will always wish to always see you, it's not impossible but it will be hard to make it, so instead of 'always' it's better to use 'occasionally'. be healthy, be happy :) 20 years from now on, we'll meet again as a 'real person', won't we?
at last, Happy Ied Al-Mubarak, minal aidin wal faizin, mohon maaf lahir batin. i know my sins can't be exactly reduce to zero, but at least it's reduced.
with the whole honesty and sincerity,
Fakhriyyah
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
hot chocolate and mint: Quote of The Day
hot chocolate and mint: Quote of The Day: "Learn to compliment others when deserved. Not only it makes other people happy, it shows that we are happy for other people's happiness."...
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