For The First Time and ...

it's architecture festival 2014, in Christian University of Petra. and we won, first prize HAHAHAHAHAHA.
i haven't fully believed until now, this is my first time to be a part of this kind of competition. and then i'm in a group of the best five, then the best three, then....
i was so lucky to have them to be my teammate, i know i'm useless and they're just too great. and thanks for Keke for babysitting me :p

Why be so ungrateful? *smirk

for all the prayers that been said, all these tiring thing i've been through, all demands i've made, all people who love me, all people who care about me, all the things that had been left, all the time wasted, all the un-answered question, all the unnecessary feeling, all garbage that i'm saying.


God, please help me, let me live
.... the life worth living

what's even worse than waking up with sore throat in Monday?
THANK GOD I'M ALIVE

almost forgot about this for a year. i'm back babyyy

Self Note

don't put everything on your own shoulder nid, you have everybody to help
don't make any excuse to have fun anymore, i know it's still your holiday, but everybody has already taken a step forward, and you must too.
you know the pressure is made by yourself. so start from something small, kid. all you need to do is start, like your friend said.

wiswakharmanexpo 2014 teaser#1

so yesterday there's a university fair in my high school, i guessed my attendance didn't really important, but i came anyway. i usually got so excited for a moment like this, then i used to invite or insist the whole friends - my classmates - to come. but this time, i felt like i didn't want to.
so... yeah, i met my high school friends yesterday, mostly not my classmates. it's been more than a year since we saw each others in our uniform. i guess i'll be lucky to call them my friends.
literally i didn't really miss him, i barely hung out with them also, but i just missed them right away when i saw them. they're not my closest friends, but i really respect them too much,
the way they respected my decision when last year i rejected their offers to help them in our final assignments, and they didn't talk bad about me or isolate me then, they were just 'yeah, if that's so, then what we can do, it's your own choice'.
the way they treat me like their young sister, yeah apparently i'm younger and smaller or.. okay shorter. they're so nice to me even though i see them mostly like a bad boy - mostly male -, they do things i don't, like smoking, harsh talking and such.
the way they see that i'm not changing a bit, even though it's just kinda like formality they have to say when meeting people, but i didn't mind. i didn't mind tossing hands with them, i didn't mind when they squeezed my head when they found me didn't get any taller.
oh also, my friends who never talked to me during high school years, even though he did attend same course and same junior high with me, finally talked to me even made fun of me like we're a long lost siblings -__-
and there's one who just confessed that he stalked me, especially my blog, hi Luri!
that's the first time after graduation one and a half year ago, i came to school again without any burden, without any distraction, without my classmates wandering around - because yeah so much going on and it's pretty tense there -
feel blessed? hell yeah :)

credit : http://www.djangkarubumi.com/2013/11/sma-negeri-1-klaten.html

hi sunset.
i miss you goddamn much.
i have a lot to tell you.
you've been away for a while.
you've been too kind to let your whole way being blocked by the clouds.
you've been too kind.... too kind.

it's been weeks since everything's so messed up  in my country, Indonesia. floods are everywhere, Sinabung (volcano) erupts, flash floods in Manado. God gives too much, for us who act too much either. those habits which grow all over the place in Indonesia, throwing trash everywhere, building towers without thinking, crossing politics' ethics, corrupting, and such, day by day those things become common things.

but, sunset, when all those disasters are going on out there and i sit here can do nothing, i have my own disaster. do you remember the last post that has been written? it was long ago, right? i can tell you now that i have been freed from all those hardness of 3rd semester, i had the lowest time of my life in the middle of it. and it was the turning point in my college life.

i used to be that one who cheered people up, now i'm not. i used to be that one who knew everything from everybody, now i'm not. i used to be that one in the front seat of the class, now i'm not. i used to be that one who felt everything was in my hand, now i'm not. i used to trust everyone with my secret, now i don't. i used to be a chatterbox, now.. i don't think so.

i'm in a crisis of trust. i keep loosing people that i don't know what to do, how to act and where i belong. i shut people out, because i think it's easier than telling what's inside my head. i keep my life for myself, and not letting anybody in. i ain't gonna curse anybody about what she did that make me like this, i'm just gonna channel myself as that Frozen's queen who shut the world out.

"conceal, don't feel, don't let them know"