The Least December

 The making of shelter project. Subj: Myself, Puja. Taken by: Dika. Location: Architectural Engineering Department of Gadjah Mada University

 

Teknik Mengajar Kel. 16. Subj: Myself, Maya, Lala, Buni, Gisty, Adit and The Kids. Taken by: - forgot the name -. Location: Ngampon, Bantul, Jogjakarta

 The making of former Hall of Gadjah Mada University model, designed by Hadinegoro - reconstruction-. Subj: Me, Fina, Ipul, Vice, Endru, Ghina, Adhit, Rida, Keke, Audi, Thoma, Puja. Taken by: Wida. Location: Architectural Engineering Department of Gadjah Mada University

Sekaten : Short runaway, High school friends. Subj: Myself, Pram, Andit, Atika, Ade, Nana, Voila. Taken by: Myself. Location: Alun alun Lor, Jogjakarta

Structure and Construction 3: final assignment, 21 pages of calqueer. Subj: itself. Taken by: Myself. Location: Asrama Putri Dewi Sri, Pogung Kidul, Jogjakarta

1/1/14

some people said it's necessary, some people said it isn't, some people don't give a damn.
yes, i don't care how the fireworks explode beautifully, how people feel the joy of new year's eve, how the traffic jam kills people.
i'm home, it's the third times i go home in 2 weeks, it's not something i do normally. i just wanna go home, even though home isn't the best heavenly place on earth, but i need somewhere to runaway from that crowded city, and all the people, and all stuffs that hold me there, and all the past that left quite deep scar. i just need to hide, to not interact with people, to hibernate my system.
talking about new year, people flood timeline with the whole greetings, prayers, resolutions, wishes and such, some also mentioning last year's best parts.
to be really honest, i don't know what's going on in 2013, there's so so sooo much going on that i can't tell myself. sounds depressing huh? all that hard works, the past, the dreams, all the wasted feeling, the exploded emotion, the betrayers, the pressure, all the changes, even when i knew being introvert is a choice, i'm almost being in it. the fears of hurting anybody, the fears of messing things up, the fears of losing trust, the fears of being left.

God, i never imagine ending my 2013 and starting my 2014 by cursing all along with the sounds of fireworks.
ah, screw it. Happy new year everybody.

This is How POV-Ray Works

God, help. Help.

i don't know why i ended up here than doing my holly assignment. i feel like i really need escape, not that i'm having a hard time or what, i just need a 'thing' to be one of medium to make me stay calm, to force me evaluating myself, to tell me 'this is a life', a life that i made myself for just me in it.
i'm in the phase when i got nothing to be worried about but still there's something unexplained that left, and i can't even mention it, i can't even describe, even i don't know what it is.
i want a break from seeing anybody here, stop caring and stop worrying the people around me, because so much left unsaid without ending, it's left hanging right there.. there.. just there. hi there hahahahahaha
people, here, are so objective, and me, subjectivity and all the judgment in my head, i cannot even hide it just a bit. if i don't like a thing, i said it, if i don't like a person, i treated him/her weirdly.
people, here, haven't known me that much, some are just too hard to handle. i haven't found the trust i've been looking for a year, a one hundred trust. everything, or it's just me who assume, is fake.
over thinking kills.

Short Post in MONDAY

going back to Jogja to face a real life. on motorbike, 80kmph, put the mp3 in full bass, and that's normal. seeing more than 3 places after accident on road is the evidence of how rusty people in monday. the day when business runs automatically after you open your swelling eyes.

to not overthinking a problem is one of a kind problem for some people. and it does lead to negative speculations which worsen the situation. but some said that being ignorant also worse than being loathed.
being ignorant. sometimes you get trauma to solve or to be involved to your friends dilemma, because in the end you'll be the one who get the blood stain. now, you refuse to overthink things, and day by day it grows into some kind of ignorance. you don't care about people feelings at first, but then it seems wrong, you try to seem nice in front of people when the fact is you're just faking. that's a good thing of faking feeling, no need to gain sympathy from other, no need to have such a drama, but you're in pain inside, by yourself.
being ignorant. also happens when you usually cared about a thing, then you try to took distance from it, you don't wanna get hurt by putting an expectation to that thing, but then the distance going so far that you don't really care anymore. when all you have left is watching that thing going around in your life everyday but all you can do is watching its back in silence.
don't get so close, but yet don't go too far.

The Listener

You speak almost no words, but your heart screams.
And somehow, i hear it.
- Yasmin Mogahed-

We Need No Lights

SAM_2767, a photo by fakhriyyahkhairunnida on Flickr.

Pok Tunggal, 8 PM

You Don't Understand, I Can't Explain