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Dieng, July 6th 2013

Dieng, July 6th 2013 (9), a photo by fakhriyyahkhairunnida on Flickr.

so it was the journey we spent more than half of 24 hours on motorbike. there's no waver that can turn our destination, including that cold weather which attacked right to the bone.
it was paid, yes it was totally paid.

Red Balloon... again

Skipped

 

well, that very first hello didn't really mean a thing until you dived further side by side with the time, and believed there's no turning back. that hello you felt when you're not the real you, when everything's about being perfect at the first impression.

now the elaboration of both characters begin to show up, pieces by pieces feeling start to be spoken up. but hey wait, it's only been a year since that day you pronounce your name, please be wise, leaves never leave the tree without wind.

hey there, be careful...

 

living the life of a first year of architecture student, trust me you'll never have enough. one second the whole satisfaction clouds up in your smile, but no more than half second later you have deep anxiety about what you've made. you'll have one time when giants deadline coming up together in the same week, and all you can do is sitting right next to your bed and do absolutely nothing, why? you'll totally confuse about its priority which one have to be done first.
now, i am, at that point of tiresome. i don't really know what to do, everything is just tied up one another. lemme tell you things, i'm starting to lose my credibility and people are starting to doubt my ability. slow but sure, they leave me behind. i don't really know how to get rid of this, i let myself pretend to be numb and ... dumb.
it was started since while ago, when my too-lazy-to-explain habit came back. when people started to ask something and i answered shortly, a lil bit harsh and a bit impolite. i did try to make it up, but i think what's burnt couldn't be restored.
i think i need to put my psychological issue aside.
few months ago, i'm walking around with my spirit running, but maybe just maybe, now i'm running around but my spirit crawling behind.

this is another clumsy girl sitting beside my grandma's bed in a quite small room smelled like medicine. yes, i'm in hospital, again. i've been like live here my whole teenage life. me, myself even have ever stayed here for days.
my aunt talks excitedly telling my grandma and my grandma's younger brother about health insurance nowadays, and i get nothing to be interested about, so this clumsy girl listen to 'To Whom It May Concern' by The Civil Wars, it may be a great song message for the one that got away.
no need to pretend i have bad days the whole last week, all the goddamn assignment forced me to stay in my friend's house for a week. that was a group assignment. and it kinda make me sad, cause i've been hurt a lil bit, idk if it's because it really hurt or it just because i had a period.
this short written note isn't a thing but garbage, i can't even concentrate to what i write, once again i'm in hospital.

sometimes you need to give up and give it a rest. giving up, sometimes does save you from hurting :) and don't you think you're the only one who's hurting, because life is a cycle, someone who hurts you technically will be suffered too, or..... she had ever been.

At The End of The Day

it'd have been hundreds times i really wanted to scream and curse on those people, but at the end of the day i just remained silent. it's so funny when i asked you several question on my way back home, why you let just me to be this miserable to think and loathe about it, God :) thanks for giving me this kind of feeling, You know me better, You know how to try me by turning the one who used to praise on my feet into my nemesis side. thanks for crashing me into pieces so i know now what worth the wait and what worth the thoughts :)

A 'Lil Pep Talk

we do feel sad we do not literally fail but the result of our hard work doesn't really good. people can say 'at least we've tried hard', but that's not calming. we know we've done our best but we also know we don't deserve more. once again at least we try. i don't get the people who say if you can't do it it's better for you to not work on it. i can not possibly think that way because the other people say you won't know if you never try, well you may get wrong but i do really agree if the effort and the journey of that result need to be counted. yes you think logically, but in life sometimes logical thinking hurts.

you know what hurts the most, it's when you think you are a candle. you lighten up people around you, but you sacrifices yourselves, you are getting burn. you destroy yourselves while build up another body and soul. you teach your friends and get C while around you get B. sometimes i feel like life is unfair, yes, life is too cruel to be admitted. at that point you need to flipped your card, go to the brighter side, take a deep breath and smile. this is not the end of the world. you're not dead just because the system, you are the system of your life, you can turn everything upside down. 

people say that the statements 'a failure is a postponed winning' is just an alibi of loser, but that loser still always have the will the hope and the belief to be the winner. the winner itself is to win yourself first, once you get a grip and be able to control yourself, and be your own system, congratulations, you rule your world baby :)

Ding Dong It's 2013

in the early of 2013, well happy new year, i got an extraordinary new year's eve, i thought it would be fun to have my old friend blend in with the new ones, well it should be. but no, what i felt wasn't something awesomely pleased. if i might, i would just say 'it's just okay'. i did know sometimes it's just me a little too sarcastic and skeptic, especially when i responded people's story. it's like you're not in that story, you're not interested and you ended up pretending that you're listening. i didn't and don't give a shit about change anymore, it's people's rights to change because i knew environment teach and people grow. so, yeah, just don't think too much.

i had my week fully at home before exams, but the assignments of basic aesthetic driving the whole class crazy this week. people were so stressful, they tweeted frequently, and today was the D-day. here's my result, i hated facebook for accusing me that i posted illegal video even though it's completely made by myself... except the song.

by the way i turned eighteen this week, i didn't expect anything much, i hid my birthday date on facebook because.... i don't like people wish me birthday just because facebook telling 'em, not because they remembered, meaning they didn't really care. and it also because i'd been threatened by egg and flour from my friends. so i let the ones who really care to lighten up my day, even though it's just five up to ten. there's no point of my birthday this year, i wasn't really sad but yet i wasn't happy, it's just so numb. a bunch of my freaky friends came to my home to give me some kind of surprise party.... which turned into a big failure, because i could definitely see them IN FRONT OF my house through the window. they begged me to pretend that i was surprised, then i did it. my birthday wish was white or red balloons, but they brought bubbles instead, yeah that's okay. and they gave me a clock... with alarm, stuff like that .__.

oh, almost forgot, i broke my cellphone, now i - perhaps - would use my dad's, but to earn something we needed sacrifices (said my dad), i had to copy all the contact number from one cell to another. curse you who taught people about sacrifices -____-

note for you people that i learnt in my bornday

" don't expect someone to give you special treatment, unless you're a princess, there's no heart who will loyally serve you a bliss"

and.... don't ever wish your sibling to be disappeared, remember Zathura!