So, This Finally is Prom Night At All

honestly i wanna tell my wonderful 4 days a week ago with my dearest friends, but it's a really really long story without any photographs, but we did record a whole lot of videos, so it's better for me to keep it in my mind.

after that wonderful 4 days, i had to get back to reality and face my school to work on another project. i hate to mention it but yes my school held a prom night, and i was as an unimportant girl who arranged the rundown, had a role as a master of ceremony and became the girl who brought projector all around.

we could say we expected nothing from this event. since we had only less than 10 people as the committees, lack of preparation, low coordination, and a high rate of care less. that night didn't turn into a complete disaster, but let me just say it's not good. enough said. but mostly i enjoyed the time with my friends, played around beside my job, walked here and there to greet them. and because i was one of the committees i knew how this precious night went around, all the ruckus, the panic attack, fighting and all.

it's an early evening when you decided to close your window as soon as possible. all the feelings you'd been holding on since the beginning of the day suddenly thrown in once. you don't know exactly what you're suffering of, you're just locked in those beauty notes of a decent famous pianist that fill your room's air. it came once, twice and more often since the last time you landed your tip of your fingers on one tiny technical machine well known as mobile phone. you ordered your fingers to dance on it and tapped on each button. you didn't risk anything, you completely had nothing to lose. then you finally drown in a short simple conversation with another hands out there. the last text was yours, as the sign of an end. and it always be yours as an end.

another thing came up, with a suggestion of fixing your black tiny notebook, from another person. you were poured with hoorays because it finally worked out. you knew it was also the end of conversation. why? you did always be the starter and the stopper. dang your curiosity to always want to be the first who find out a thing and curse your bad feeling for stopping what you've started. you saved your phone under your pillow and let it charged by itself.

the second you knew, you got another person's news about fighting a faith, which was very crucial topic to be talked about. but you needed to save that person, because he/she is your sibling by habit. the person you knew who had been fought along the way, who just met you in no long time, who had traveled with you anywhere. the person who fought his/her faith, the same belief as you. you knew you had a hand to help, to carry his/her up. yes, there's always a fear of the world. you stopped for a while. even you stared away from the climax of the most interesting book you'd been reading. and now, you're stucked with writing.

still, the neat melody as a backsong. bring back all what you'd been holding back. frame by frame tracked down. the song that used to be your school's bell few years ago, you missed it, so much. when you counted down the second before the bell rang, you were miss counting down. hahahahaha, where are you miss independent? miss so innocently always happy? why did you let those people rip your joy? why did you plant the frown all by yourself?
you're a coward

Chrysanthemums Tulips

i may be weird, lots of girls in this whole wide world love roses, i don't. it doesn't mean i hate roses, no, i just don't really like it as the others do. i think roses are kinda fragile yet common. its petals easily fall down, and sadly it just has a few. not like chrysanthemums, it has a lot of petals, and it doesn't really matter if it falls ten petals. and in my eyes they're unique.

other than that, i do love tulips. too bad it can hardly find in Indonesia, because of the climate here is tropic while tulips used to grow in sub-tropic weather. when you look at it, you see a pure yet strong beautiful flower which its petals can't blossom wide like the other flowers. strong, straight, brave and classy.

"Selama ini kamu cuma mengenalku dalam versi yang kamu mau. Aku begitu karena kamu. Kamu tidak pernah tau siapa diriku sebenarnya"

translation:
"During this time you only knew me as the version you want. I do so because of you. You never know who I really am"

Lara Lana [2005]
Filosofi Kopi  - Dee

Karma's Cycle

i just knew that karma got a cycle. it slaps each person, if A does bad thing to B, B will get bad thing from C, then C gets another one from D, and so on. and i think it'll be unlimited, and no one knows when it will be stopped. i'm super happy :)

i just thought few hours ago to welcome 'it' back, but i wait till i'm really sure. now, even though not 100%, but...

welcome back cheery Charlie

Girl with The Red Balloon

you know, the point when people get tired of always being the one who care a little bit more than anyone else. the way she fakes her smile and pretends she knows everybody's feeling. i told you, she's tired.

she's tired of the feeling that she thinks she's one idiot annoying girl who talks too much. she's tired of knowing the last. she's tired of being mad because her people gang up with the one she hates the most. she's tired of being sad because she loses her people. she's tired of cheering up people when she needs people to cheer her up. she's tired of changing. she's tired of the routine. she's tired of knowing anything. she's tired of being talked, please talk to her directly, she'll openly answer any question without making war.

her chuckles stop exactly when her secrets are revealed, but she keeps a lot in her head. she can ruin everybody with their every single secret, but as far as she concerns, she never does it. secrecy is her life, it doesn't mean she's fake, she's just a good keeper. she knows what people think, she's so itchy to cut their words and serve them her big huge alibis.

unfortunately, she did something wrong with her life. she lets herself down. she drags her legs to jump into a cursed well, she doesn't know how to take off the curse. she has tried everything, but none's worked. she ain't tell anyone, because people will not believe it and people will be freaked out. that's when she decides to build a wall instead, but remember? she's tired. the wall she builds becomes a creepy sculpture and totally blocks the whole way.

she's totally lost. even the middle-aged man whom sits next to the coffee shop's window can tell nothing to her. that man tells her a story about the love of Cinderella. she's so confused, how can that unexpected person be the prince's choice. she's too young too give up on wild imagination, she keeps believing on happy ending and fairy tale. but she still has to face the cruel world which walks along side by side with a messy reality. she walks out from the door, look around with no smile curved. she walks away.

did she let him go or did the four winds blow him away, does she even know?
she's the girl with the red balloon - The Civil Wars (Girl with The Red Balloon) 

Summer

that's my doodle in the middle of the night, there's a question popped up 'what do you wanna do at summer?'. then i think there's no summer in Indonesia, but if it counts, i'll be in college when it's summer, i'll be moving to my new boarding house, i'll be saying goodbye to all of old stuffs :') simple as that, hard like hell.

Carly Rae Jepsen - Heavy Lifting

so blue...
you read, you know you're left. you lose your people... no, your person.
you walk out from the door who always keep your secret safe.
but the war outside the window is too hard to fight by yourself.
and you die if you're inside.
you force yourself to face the reality that your just that psycho.
sometimes, the memories of having all the soldiers aren't enough to block the sun.
finally, you change the key, you're locked outside.
all you want is just stand there still, plug your earphone and listen to those beautiful words.
stand still over there, right there, there.
you dropped your chuckles, somewhere. can you find it? is it easy?
you start to make a whole lots of ifs.
you prepare some movies lines to be quoted as your answer.
but unfortunately, the question never comes out.
your head begins to make many excuses.
that dead-souled glass slipped away from your loose fingers.
what a wreck, goddamn ruckus.
you ain't be able to speak your alibis up.
you accept all the accusations, openly.
you know you don't even have the right to still be here.
you won't get up from those imaginary incidents.
you made those up, you wanted to be in it, still here.
no one can tell, because no one has a clue.
you approach a clown, while you have clownphobia.
you're hundred faces, you're evil, you're mess.
you keep telling yourself that you build a wall.
but you're just putting two bricks on.
you say you don't make a bridge.
but you keep arranging the knots.
they say good things take time, how long?
she said you wouldn't get your karma.
she said you did the right thing.
hello sour salt, you're a stranger already.
bittersugar made it, bittersugar don't wanna hit too hard, grey-painted car is running in maximum speed, and it is approaching it.
before it dies, it will turn to the right, right path.
and stand still there.

Ya

THANK YOU SO MUCH

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ~