Sunday, April 8, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Love? duh!
when i was young, all that matters about 'love' is how to keep our friends still be our friends and how to make a beautiful lady we called 'mom' smiling to us when we got a good mark. eventually, it was about how to act nicely in front of my grandma so i could get a cookie.
years by years passed, till i knew how 'love' in movie could be real. when you waited someone to walk in front of you when you came back home in the long hall and you pretended that it was a coincident. and when you were at school you acted that person was the first enemy of yours, but inside you worshiped him to his feet, this is Helga's typical (on Hey Arnold!, you know?). and the next day your friend said that he got a crush on you hahahahahaha that always made you fly to the edge of the sky, a funny lame puppy love.
the next years, you looked back and you found those were really hilarious, but yet you still had another love life went on. i can guarantee in the age of thirteen most of girls already have their crushes, whether they get them or not it depends, on what? aggressiveness. this is about difference confidence of each person. i learned it from one of my friend; the one who dare, the one who faster, the one who has more confidence, the one who brave, got it first.
but you know what the one who doesn't have those all? they're shy enough to show their feeling, the only way to make him know is from God. it does sounds terrible, but who doesn't do that, duh! even i admit myself did that. so, in the end, this girl end up with making a decision to move on and to not look back, past is the past.
when you get older and older, all the level of society getting higher, all your burden getting heavier, the whole responsibility of your life begins to be all yours, all the cartoon seems nonsense, and so do your love life, it's getting waaay more complicated. the alligator and the cow, in this level, are still existed.
another friend of mine who love one girl crazily, he does whatever it takes to be with this girl. he protects her with his whole heart. he feels super happy when he laughs with her. they're friend, the girl thinks they are always just a friend, but the boy expects more. this is the hardest part of his life. he confesses to this girl that he likes her, he already and always knows that the girl doesn't like him back, but he confesses anyway. i like his spirit though, he admits anything even though he already knows the girl's answer, he's gentle enough. i bet the girl doesn't really worth to be his girlfriend, she's really mean. again, what makes him a strong boy is he always... always meets this girl, because they're in the same goddamn class, what do you think? it's a hell.
other of the other, it's a girl, who used to date - let's call him - James. they were in love, mutual feelings. but then they broke up, but still be friends, though both still have some mutual feelings left. one day, James suddenly disappeared, he said to her that he went abroad. since that day, they both lost contact. the girl didn't try to call James, nor James. so, in the way of her moving on life, she found another lovely heart which wrapped in a such of beautiful smile - let's call him, again - Thomas. she kinda liked him, and he liked her with his whole heart too. but yet they didn't tie their relationship up, they just did what it is. and then several weeks, she heard again about James, she's so surprised that all this time, when James asked goodbye to go abroad was all lies. the truth was James hospitalized because of some kidney problem. she's so stucked. she felt like she's been betraying him with having a good relationship with Thomas. this situation made her to choose, between staying with Thomas or going back to James. in the end, she ended up with choosing none. so no one won or lost. but not fair enough for the three of them, all of them hurt.
i'm sorry for bubbling with so many love stories, but people around me taught me the most about this, i can not just leave it because so many people in the world dealing with stuff like this, who knows it might help just a little. should i go on? yes?
this boy and this girl had a good relationship too, both always text each other, every single second. even they had their own nickname. even though they're apart by distance they still always keep in touch. haven't found the problem? right! here's the big problem, is that the boy already had girlfriend, and that girl who always text him already knew about that. their relationship was so confusing. of course the girl wanted a certainty, of course the girl wanted to be his real girlfriend, of course the girl expected more. but unfortunately the boy didn't want to lose his girlfriend either, so the condition is like the boy set the girl's hope too high. what i suggest to the boy, 'you should stop, or you'll hurt someone more than you know'. this story still goes on, so i can't tell the end of this story.
if you reach this far and still consider to read more, two big thumbs to you, darls!
from those whole stories, i feel really terribly sorry for this one, i'm sorry i put your story here, my dear Jean. so this is a story from Jean. she's quite stubborn girl who has a lot of friends, she has a beautiful life with perfect family, she has a little paranoia syndrome, she's cheery. i'm gonna sing a song to her 'unlucky, you're in love with your best friend' - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Calliat (with editing) -. she has a really close friend, they do anything together, they share everything, they have similar favorite music, they laugh at each other jokes even though the cheesy one. she loves him like a brother, and so does him. but the love she feels is the feeling of wanting him, she doesn't want him to be owned by anybody but her. she feels jealous when he's with someone else, sometimes she also feels that he doesn't want her to be with anybody else too. but she realizes that the feelings always up and down, so sometimes she wants him, but sometimes she lets him go, because she's not sure whether he likes her back or not. she doesn't have the guts to ask him, because she's afraid of ruining their friendship. she's terrified if she tells him everything, everything wouldn't be the same anymore. this Jean case, she's sometimes being aggressive one but on the other hand she's sometimes being the coward. this is like you're in the middle of crocodile and tiger, if you tell, you lose anything, but if you don't you'll just hurt yourself. until now, Jean decides to hide everything and not telling anybody, but me. so, she chooses friendship over love. worth sacrifice.
thank you for reading this far, i don't know what this is, i just feel wanna write this, because i already have the sum up above my head, it's growling up here, itching to explode.
the conclusion is, life's what you make it. you can choose to take the risk, each choice has bad-good effects. all you need to do is stand still to be always the pure you, follow your heart, i know it isn't as easy as just say it, i've been there. if you broke, just try not to hurt yourself, get some help, and always always remember there are lots of people waiting for your hug, there are lots of people still love you no matter what, and once again, remember, there's always a person in this world who will be sad seeing you cry. if you find deadlock in the end of your effort, don't forget God has an unlimited authority :) keep smiling, my dear!
years by years passed, till i knew how 'love' in movie could be real. when you waited someone to walk in front of you when you came back home in the long hall and you pretended that it was a coincident. and when you were at school you acted that person was the first enemy of yours, but inside you worshiped him to his feet, this is Helga's typical (on Hey Arnold!, you know?). and the next day your friend said that he got a crush on you hahahahahaha that always made you fly to the edge of the sky, a funny lame puppy love.
the next years, you looked back and you found those were really hilarious, but yet you still had another love life went on. i can guarantee in the age of thirteen most of girls already have their crushes, whether they get them or not it depends, on what? aggressiveness. this is about difference confidence of each person. i learned it from one of my friend; the one who dare, the one who faster, the one who has more confidence, the one who brave, got it first.
but you know what the one who doesn't have those all? they're shy enough to show their feeling, the only way to make him know is from God. it does sounds terrible, but who doesn't do that, duh! even i admit myself did that. so, in the end, this girl end up with making a decision to move on and to not look back, past is the past.
when you get older and older, all the level of society getting higher, all your burden getting heavier, the whole responsibility of your life begins to be all yours, all the cartoon seems nonsense, and so do your love life, it's getting waaay more complicated. the alligator and the cow, in this level, are still existed.
another friend of mine who love one girl crazily, he does whatever it takes to be with this girl. he protects her with his whole heart. he feels super happy when he laughs with her. they're friend, the girl thinks they are always just a friend, but the boy expects more. this is the hardest part of his life. he confesses to this girl that he likes her, he already and always knows that the girl doesn't like him back, but he confesses anyway. i like his spirit though, he admits anything even though he already knows the girl's answer, he's gentle enough. i bet the girl doesn't really worth to be his girlfriend, she's really mean. again, what makes him a strong boy is he always... always meets this girl, because they're in the same goddamn class, what do you think? it's a hell.
other of the other, it's a girl, who used to date - let's call him - James. they were in love, mutual feelings. but then they broke up, but still be friends, though both still have some mutual feelings left. one day, James suddenly disappeared, he said to her that he went abroad. since that day, they both lost contact. the girl didn't try to call James, nor James. so, in the way of her moving on life, she found another lovely heart which wrapped in a such of beautiful smile - let's call him, again - Thomas. she kinda liked him, and he liked her with his whole heart too. but yet they didn't tie their relationship up, they just did what it is. and then several weeks, she heard again about James, she's so surprised that all this time, when James asked goodbye to go abroad was all lies. the truth was James hospitalized because of some kidney problem. she's so stucked. she felt like she's been betraying him with having a good relationship with Thomas. this situation made her to choose, between staying with Thomas or going back to James. in the end, she ended up with choosing none. so no one won or lost. but not fair enough for the three of them, all of them hurt.
i'm sorry for bubbling with so many love stories, but people around me taught me the most about this, i can not just leave it because so many people in the world dealing with stuff like this, who knows it might help just a little. should i go on? yes?
this boy and this girl had a good relationship too, both always text each other, every single second. even they had their own nickname. even though they're apart by distance they still always keep in touch. haven't found the problem? right! here's the big problem, is that the boy already had girlfriend, and that girl who always text him already knew about that. their relationship was so confusing. of course the girl wanted a certainty, of course the girl wanted to be his real girlfriend, of course the girl expected more. but unfortunately the boy didn't want to lose his girlfriend either, so the condition is like the boy set the girl's hope too high. what i suggest to the boy, 'you should stop, or you'll hurt someone more than you know'. this story still goes on, so i can't tell the end of this story.
if you reach this far and still consider to read more, two big thumbs to you, darls!
from those whole stories, i feel really terribly sorry for this one, i'm sorry i put your story here, my dear Jean. so this is a story from Jean. she's quite stubborn girl who has a lot of friends, she has a beautiful life with perfect family, she has a little paranoia syndrome, she's cheery. i'm gonna sing a song to her 'unlucky, you're in love with your best friend' - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Calliat (with editing) -. she has a really close friend, they do anything together, they share everything, they have similar favorite music, they laugh at each other jokes even though the cheesy one. she loves him like a brother, and so does him. but the love she feels is the feeling of wanting him, she doesn't want him to be owned by anybody but her. she feels jealous when he's with someone else, sometimes she also feels that he doesn't want her to be with anybody else too. but she realizes that the feelings always up and down, so sometimes she wants him, but sometimes she lets him go, because she's not sure whether he likes her back or not. she doesn't have the guts to ask him, because she's afraid of ruining their friendship. she's terrified if she tells him everything, everything wouldn't be the same anymore. this Jean case, she's sometimes being aggressive one but on the other hand she's sometimes being the coward. this is like you're in the middle of crocodile and tiger, if you tell, you lose anything, but if you don't you'll just hurt yourself. until now, Jean decides to hide everything and not telling anybody, but me. so, she chooses friendship over love. worth sacrifice.
thank you for reading this far, i don't know what this is, i just feel wanna write this, because i already have the sum up above my head, it's growling up here, itching to explode.
the conclusion is, life's what you make it. you can choose to take the risk, each choice has bad-good effects. all you need to do is stand still to be always the pure you, follow your heart, i know it isn't as easy as just say it, i've been there. if you broke, just try not to hurt yourself, get some help, and always always remember there are lots of people waiting for your hug, there are lots of people still love you no matter what, and once again, remember, there's always a person in this world who will be sad seeing you cry. if you find deadlock in the end of your effort, don't forget God has an unlimited authority :) keep smiling, my dear!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Civil Wars - Violet Hour
actually this song doesn't have the video yet, but someone in youtube make it as his project of assignment. i don't need to swear, it's really awesome. both, the song and the video.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Hunger Games E-book
today is the premier of The Hunger Games in every part of the world including Indonesia.
i haven't got the opportunity to buy the book and download the soundtrack, even more watch the movie. so all i can do is just staring at all the post that spread in tumblr.
so i try to seek further infos on google, i got this e-book of the trilogy The Hunger Games, i try to read but again i have no time, so it's gonna take a long time to finish at least one book
here you can download it 1 2 3
i just read the beginning page and it already feels good, i think i'm gonna like it a lot.
i haven't got the opportunity to buy the book and download the soundtrack, even more watch the movie. so all i can do is just staring at all the post that spread in tumblr.
so i try to seek further infos on google, i got this e-book of the trilogy The Hunger Games, i try to read but again i have no time, so it's gonna take a long time to finish at least one book
here you can download it 1 2 3
i just read the beginning page and it already feels good, i think i'm gonna like it a lot.
One Midnight Thought
this is midnight, and all i can do is nothing. i've been rolling in my bed for more than an hour and still can not sleep. this thing that pushes the blood all over my body keeps beating faster, i try to imagine anything good from the impossible until the absurd one, but none of those drag me to a calmer feeling. those another terrifying things spinning around as if there's merry-go-round full of evils above my head.
i didn't really interact with people today, cause it's a holiday, i just spent a whole day at home, 'cept this evening i had to see my friend, he's just got home after having a surgery. it's fun, then again when everything's back home, i have to face people whom i have to make them proud of, big burden. oh no, it's not a burden, it is a responsibility.
i still can't sleep, i don't even have any intention to close my eyes, but blink. there's no one left i can talk to right now, one of them just waved 'good night' to me, i used to have another one i'm sure that person already sail through the ocean of dream. they're really nice, God gives the best, no doubt, la haula wa la kuwata illa billah.
i really have no idea what tomorrow will be, all i can think is... okay, tomorrow will be just okay. all the matters in school really make me wanna move to another town, or country if i may. sometimes, i just wonder how my friends will react if i leave school and decide to move, will they cry for me? will they be sad? will they feel lost?. the same thing, i always wonder what they will do if i die. lucky me, some of my friends already know my place, so they know where will my funeral be. i really want them to make a kind of memorial for me hahaha, duh! as if i'm a famous singer.
i've been thinking to make a counting of my bless, but it'll never be enough till my fingers broken. there are so many things in this world we should be grateful for, start from a tiny thing, breathing is the best thing we have to be thankful, but people sometimes forget that and start to feel so miserable.
i wanna confess, my friends. sometimes i'm really sick of you, one is so arrogant, one is so miss perfect, one is so queen of the world, one is so clueless, one is so rude, one is so selfish. but the think i always remember is i own all of those adjective, i'm the combination of those people, means i'm as bad as i think they are, or even more. i'm not mature enough. exhibit A: i'm still talk bad about people, i know everybody does, but i think i'm the worst. hint for you guys, my silence is the indication of my decreasing happy-o-meter only for the person whom i shut him/her up.
i'm scared to death because of my over self-confidence. sometimes, it's out of control. sometimes, it makes me hurt people. sometimes, it makes me to tie up the situation and pull it to my own kingdom. sometimes, it makes me friend with superman, batman and catwoman, what am i? lazywoman. sometimes, it brings me to the well of sorrow, cause it gives a high expectation though.
okay, i'm starting to be sleepy. good thing i have an escape here. oh my God it's been 00:46, and once again i'm doing nothing but typing.
geez, i always end up writing something about my unworthy life, really i swear i really want to post something good, i'll try a short story maybe one day. because it's my online not-too-personal diary, i ... sometimes don't like people to read especially in front of me and honestly i'm super uncomfortable if they talk about what i write on my blog in public. yes, all the information here is total honest from myself, but don't you think you know me well through this site. my big 'who i am' and 'my secret' are never gonna be easily written understandably here.
well, before i spell a name, i should've ended these priceless paragraphs. good morning everyone, have a good life.
GBus
xoxo, F
i didn't really interact with people today, cause it's a holiday, i just spent a whole day at home, 'cept this evening i had to see my friend, he's just got home after having a surgery. it's fun, then again when everything's back home, i have to face people whom i have to make them proud of, big burden. oh no, it's not a burden, it is a responsibility.
i still can't sleep, i don't even have any intention to close my eyes, but blink. there's no one left i can talk to right now, one of them just waved 'good night' to me, i used to have another one i'm sure that person already sail through the ocean of dream. they're really nice, God gives the best, no doubt, la haula wa la kuwata illa billah.
i really have no idea what tomorrow will be, all i can think is... okay, tomorrow will be just okay. all the matters in school really make me wanna move to another town, or country if i may. sometimes, i just wonder how my friends will react if i leave school and decide to move, will they cry for me? will they be sad? will they feel lost?. the same thing, i always wonder what they will do if i die. lucky me, some of my friends already know my place, so they know where will my funeral be. i really want them to make a kind of memorial for me hahaha, duh! as if i'm a famous singer.
i've been thinking to make a counting of my bless, but it'll never be enough till my fingers broken. there are so many things in this world we should be grateful for, start from a tiny thing, breathing is the best thing we have to be thankful, but people sometimes forget that and start to feel so miserable.
i wanna confess, my friends. sometimes i'm really sick of you, one is so arrogant, one is so miss perfect, one is so queen of the world, one is so clueless, one is so rude, one is so selfish. but the think i always remember is i own all of those adjective, i'm the combination of those people, means i'm as bad as i think they are, or even more. i'm not mature enough. exhibit A: i'm still talk bad about people, i know everybody does, but i think i'm the worst. hint for you guys, my silence is the indication of my decreasing happy-o-meter only for the person whom i shut him/her up.
i'm scared to death because of my over self-confidence. sometimes, it's out of control. sometimes, it makes me hurt people. sometimes, it makes me to tie up the situation and pull it to my own kingdom. sometimes, it makes me friend with superman, batman and catwoman, what am i? lazywoman. sometimes, it brings me to the well of sorrow, cause it gives a high expectation though.
okay, i'm starting to be sleepy. good thing i have an escape here. oh my God it's been 00:46, and once again i'm doing nothing but typing.
geez, i always end up writing something about my unworthy life, really i swear i really want to post something good, i'll try a short story maybe one day. because it's my online not-too-personal diary, i ... sometimes don't like people to read especially in front of me and honestly i'm super uncomfortable if they talk about what i write on my blog in public. yes, all the information here is total honest from myself, but don't you think you know me well through this site. my big 'who i am' and 'my secret' are never gonna be easily written understandably here.
well, before i spell a name, i should've ended these priceless paragraphs. good morning everyone, have a good life.
GBus
xoxo, F
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Westlife - Loneliness Knows Me by Name
i love Westlife till dead, it's soooooo sad that i can't attend their farewell concert in Indonesia. it doesn't matter though, just so you know Mark, i will always love you. i like them their music and their complete face since i was 7, me and my friend were so crazy about 'em.
this was the first song played after i turned on my laptop when i got home today, after really exhausting day. so tired, God.
this was the first song played after i turned on my laptop when i got home today, after really exhausting day. so tired, God.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
That was then, This is now
those are my really really beloved classmates, which has enlightened my world for the last 3 years. i couldn't be grateless for them, i love them so much.
yesterday, i came home with my friend, he sang 'a gift of a friend' by Demi Lovato all the way. it did sound so beautiful all of sudden, after all we've been through these time. we have no more than a month remaining until the final exam, wish us luck, k?
yesterday, i came home with my friend, he sang 'a gift of a friend' by Demi Lovato all the way. it did sound so beautiful all of sudden, after all we've been through these time. we have no more than a month remaining until the final exam, wish us luck, k?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
okay, where do i begin?
starting with the first day of this week. i had just finished practical examination with the whole lab stuff which has no fun. that day i just sighed a lil' bit relaxed a lil' bit, because the next two days i'd have the first try out of final examination, and TODAY finally i got it all finished. messily.
this is weekend by the way, don't wanna talk about school so much.
this was a really tense week, everything was just above the nerve, and once again i always say
What Words
dear Ashley and Mary
i'm glad to be your friend
i'm glad you include me in your conversation
i'm glad i have an opportunity to be your lil' sister
i'm glad to have you always by my side
please, stand in front of the mirror and point yourself
please, say to yourself whether it is you
please, get a grab on to something
please, make up your mind
well, it was just trashy sentences which showed a different emotion in each phrases. i always think about something weird lately. i drew doodles in school 4 days ago, i think it's not good since i just did it for fun. but some of my friends said it's really good, i'm blushed. school got infinite boredom, so people just doodle around like me, everywhere. i usually draw some on my hand because of my obsession to have tattoos on my wrist, but unfortunately i'm prohibited for that, so it's just a pen :(
i also requested a doodle from my tumblr friend, actually it was happened a long time ago but i just can re-post it now. sometimes i really want to write something useful instead of just shouting crap of my life here, but i'm lack of information, plus lazy enough to think something new, okay let it be let it be.
another thing which makes me always grinning is Alfred Thomas Highmore a.k.a Freddie Highmore followed me back on twitter, i've adored him since Finding Neverland until The Art Of Getting By. He's total awesome.
keep smiling keep shining :)
starting with the first day of this week. i had just finished practical examination with the whole lab stuff which has no fun. that day i just sighed a lil' bit relaxed a lil' bit, because the next two days i'd have the first try out of final examination, and TODAY finally i got it all finished. messily.
this is weekend by the way, don't wanna talk about school so much.
this was a really tense week, everything was just above the nerve, and once again i always say
" Your happiness, your sorrow, your feeling of love, your feeling of loathing, are absolutely decided by your own self. Set your mind to be "i beg y'all to give your best prayer for me, i've decided to be an architect in Gadjah Mada University, i really do hope i can get in. i have so much struggle to deal about college stuffs, i used to wanna be a psychologist but unfortunately faculty of psychology in that university in a social side, while i'm in science.
What Words
dear Ashley and Mary
i'm glad to be your friend
i'm glad you include me in your conversation
i'm glad i have an opportunity to be your lil' sister
i'm glad to have you always by my side
dear Holden
i want you to be my friend
i want you to include me in your conversation
i want to have an opportunity to be your lil' sister
i want to have you always by my side
dear Regina i want you to be my friend
i want you to include me in your conversation
i want to have an opportunity to be your lil' sister
i want to have you always by my side
please, stand in front of the mirror and point yourself
please, say to yourself whether it is you
please, get a grab on to something
please, make up your mind
dear Byron
stand in front of the mirror and point yourself!
say to yourself whether it is you!
get a grab on to something!
make up your mind!
stand in front of the mirror and point yourself!
say to yourself whether it is you!
get a grab on to something!
make up your mind!
well, it was just trashy sentences which showed a different emotion in each phrases. i always think about something weird lately. i drew doodles in school 4 days ago, i think it's not good since i just did it for fun. but some of my friends said it's really good, i'm blushed. school got infinite boredom, so people just doodle around like me, everywhere. i usually draw some on my hand because of my obsession to have tattoos on my wrist, but unfortunately i'm prohibited for that, so it's just a pen :(
i also requested a doodle from my tumblr friend, actually it was happened a long time ago but i just can re-post it now. sometimes i really want to write something useful instead of just shouting crap of my life here, but i'm lack of information, plus lazy enough to think something new, okay let it be let it be.
another thing which makes me always grinning is Alfred Thomas Highmore a.k.a Freddie Highmore followed me back on twitter, i've adored him since Finding Neverland until The Art Of Getting By. He's total awesome.
keep smiling keep shining :)
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